Chaos with Contentment

Here's to the Butler Community Ag students!

2011-04-14T10:24:00.000-07:00

I wish ten years ago I knew what I wanted to do with my life. When I walk into the classroom, I look at the kids I have class with. I say "kids" because I'm on the average about 10-12 years older than they are. But they've got one up on me! They've got it together at 19 years of age. I think the ag students are setting the bar for all ag students to come. Not only are they going into professions that will help better the world and sustain our food chains, and not only do they have the brains and braun to do it (yes, even all the girls!) but they have the most awesome personalities. Class is always full of laughs with integrity. I feel lucky to have class with this group. I'm sure the students behind them were just as awesome and the students to come have the most awesome footprints to walk in. They are like a family to each other, I have noticed. They all have that "downhome" atttitude toward everyone. I can't post this without giving props to my ag instructors. They are simply the best; what can I say. I've had 12 years of school plus a previous degree from Butler Community College. Not one instructor I've ever had compares to them. If only I had them to learn from ten years ago.

Agri what?

2011-03-31T19:58:00.000-07:00

My perception in agricultural careers has definitely been broadened. I never even thought about bee keepers and their importance in agriculture. I never thought about Entomology either, even though I spend time in my own garden researching which insects do what. (If you have a squash bug problem on your vegetable plants, just plant some squash in the corner...that's their meal of choice and they'll leave your others alone :) .)

"Agriculture" has a more broad meaning in the career world, yet when you tell people you are studying agriculture they look at you like your nuts and say "What in the world are you going to do with that?" There is everything from the farmer and producers, to the greenhouse managers and attorneys; or from the soil tester to the log grader to the chemical sales.

Minorities have a big part and a lack of part in agriculture. There are so many grants out there for minorities in the agricultural world, such as women, Hispanics, African Americans and Indian tribes. This explains enough that there aren't enough minorities involved. It also explains the fact that a lot of minorities are from underdeveloped countries and need agriculture and agriculture education in their world. As far as women go, the number of women farmers and women in agriculture is growing at a wonderful rate. Once upon a time it was a man's world. We have to admit, a lot of women do not know much about tractor engines and it was back breaking work to go out and plow your fields. As technology improves and makes things more efficient, simpler, easier, take your pick, women are physically able to do more. Many traditional farming families lose the patriarch first (perhaps due to the field work their whole lives?) and some women choose to keep their farms. Many of women sell the farm as they were not the farmer in the family. I think the raise in percentages of women farmers is due to the state of our economy, the state or world, and the state of our security. I think most women know it's more acceptable in this day and age for women to be involved in a man's world and see it as a way of survival, security and salvation of their family roots.

Changes. Some are good. Some are not. But changes will always be there and things, even the changes, will always be changing. Agricultural career paths have and will continue to adapt to not only what technology brings to the table, but what the majority of the population demands and what the growing world population demands. The majority and the hungry of the world are two very polar peoples. The majority want the "specialties," the "organic," the "full meal deals," the "grass fed only," the "no growth hormones," and whatever the very rich (compared to the hungry) are demanding. They want the best looking, the best price, the "grown in the USA" or "exactly opposite of whatever the media or PETA exposes." And then there is the hungry. The desperate. The starving. If they get several year old rice and some somewhat clean water they are satisfied...but not nourished. Changes are already abounding and we will continue to try to solve the major problem of the agriculture world such as more people, less land. It will have to be a team effort of scientists, producers and media to make it work but until the change starts in the heart of people none of the changes that SHOULD take place will. Scientists will continue to study how to grow lab meat and agronomists will continue how to grow crops in places their original genetics normally wouldn't allow. The biggest changes though, will occur in actually implementing them.
Two careers I'm researching are Animal Nutrition and Agronomy. I love animals and I have a passion for growing. Luckily, the two go hand in hand.

April 1st is WHAT WHAT?

2011-03-30T16:49:00.000-07:00

Yeah, you knew it was turkey season didn't you. Of course you did. You better have! I've been counting down the days. Although, I failed to scout things out yet. And, I failed to restring my bow. I have enough faith I'll make it through one more year before I have to restring it. I must, I must, I must call Mr. Dub this weekend. He's got to give me the go ahead. No babies, no homework, no obligations. Just me and God's green Earth. And turkey's lurking. They are waiting for me you know. It's their passion and their number one goal in life to elude me...as they have since the beginning. But not this year. Oh no. I will provide my family with their turkey dinner this year. Maybe. Fingers crossed. And a little a prayer. Off to get my tag. Good luck with your hunt this spring. Oh, and here's a plug for my new friends: Have you thanked a farmer today?

What I would Facebook today

2011-03-02T18:40:00.000-08:00

So I deactivated my account on Facebook. We haven't been meshing lately. I really wanted to get on my blog more. So now, I think of facebook posts in my head all day. Here's a few...
1. Wow, I feel great this morning after being sick with strep the last 4 days.
2. I'm pretty sure I totally bombed that presentation. I hate presentations. And I hate Microsoft Publisher, for now anyways.
3. So, I found out my friend is blind in one eye. Now I know why she was always looking at me funny! (sorry Lauren, I had to, lol!)
4. Dear people at the grocery store, I'm teaching my 17 month old manners, so when she says "hi" to you, say "hi" back. Is it that hard?
5. Wow, I guess I tried to do to much after being sick with strep for the last 4 days, I feel like crap.
6. Tekoah busted her lip on the concrete today. And, her new favorite word is "sock."
7. Bullriding this weekend! Alone. But that's how I roll.
8. Dear guy fixing your car in the street who's always trying to impress me: Your butt crack is hanging out from under your car.
9. So I'm going to blog more, even though no one reads it.
10. So I went out behind the ag building and hung out with the calves for awhile between classes. I drooled the whole time. And longed for my own.
11. This "living in town" thing is really hard to get used to. It's been almost 8 months and I'm still trying to get used to traffic and trains and other peoples dogs. I'll never get used to it.
12. I heart cows.

Grow!

2011-02-25T10:54:00.000-08:00

Spring is coming! Spring is coming! That means new growth. Do you know how to grow your own vegetables? Have you ever tried? Do you live in a city or a neighborhood and think maybe it's not for you, that it would be easier to just go down to the grocery store and buy them?

Well, let me challenge you this spring. Whether it's a tomato plant in the back yard, herbs in your window, or beans in the flower garden, just try to grow one vegetable plant. Watch it, nurture it, then enjoy. Try it just once. Don't have any idea what you are doing? It's simple. Pick something you like...something you know you will enjoy first. If you buy an already established plant, I'm sure the local greenhouse you buy it from would love to tell you about how to care for your plant. If you want to start from seed then START NOW! Get a few seeds of the same plant started in some potting soil so if one doesn't take, you'll still have another to transplant. Get it in the window and keep it moist. Once you see your little buds emerging, you will be excited about it. I promise. If you take my challenge, let me know! It's rewarding to eat vegetables you grow yourself. And if you have any questions about it, I'd be glad to help you with it. Some of you will choose to go completely organic. Some of you will choose to use chemicals when the pests set in. Whatever you decide will be perfectly awesome, if you just try. Happy planting!

Wind Farms

2011-02-16T19:47:00.000-08:00

Property Owners and the Debate on Wind Energy

In today’s age of energy crisis, we are constantly looking for new ways to supply our energy needs. Using up all of the resources we currently have and pollution of air and water are major concerns. Wind energy is emerging throughout the world. It requires turbines of all different sizes, depending upon the need of the energy, ranging from one home or small business to entire communities. These turbines have propeller like projections that can sometimes be 200 feet long mounted on towers that reach high into the sky. They catch the wind, which turns the propellers, which produces energy when the turbines go to work. These larger than life windmills are sometimes by themselves and other times in groups we sometimes refer to as wind farms. There’s a great debate on these “wind farms” since they have to be placed somewhere. Who’s going to give up the land? Who’s going to pay for it? What are the pros and cons? These questions will continue to decide the future of wind energy.
Scientists do a lot of research finding out where the most proficient wind is, and then decide what the energy will be used for. Whatever they decide, there is always a property owner who will or will not want it happen. If it’s farmland, the space used for crop production will be given up. If it’s grazing land for livestock, that much land must be taken over for the wind turbines. Some landowners see the benefits, others see the downside. Some scientists think that offshore wind energy could account for the energy that could supply an entire nation. . Wind energy is clean, producing no green house gasses, renewable, and as long as there is sun, there is wind, therefore never running out. The wildlife hazards and other environmental concerns are minimal compared to other sources of energy.
What’s the downfall? It does ruin the view of a beautiful setting off of your back deck. The noise and construction is another nuisance. The space taken up by one wind turbine is roughly an acre, but must include an access road. However, during the construction of setting one up, the landowner loses more land during that time. Some are worried about the hazards these turbines provide for wildlife such as birds and bats. The cost to set up the turbines is incredibly expensive, but once the project is completed the energy cost is minimal. The cost of electricity is about 4¢ per kilowatt-hour The government does have tax incentives for land owners housing the turbines but one must decide if it’s worth it to live under three or four 200 foot long turbines. I think it’s definitely something worth it that should continue to prosper, but we shouldn’t be reliant on only one source of energy. As you see, there is much more research to be done.

school

2011-01-25T14:38:00.001-08:00

I have found one of my passions in life. No, not school; but the agriculture classes I'm taking in school. First it was pre-vet, but I've recently switched to agriculture. I'm loving it! I still may switch over to Farm and Ranch Management, but either way I think my instructors will play a key role in helping me find my future career. Right now I have crop science, meat science, agriculture in society, microcomputers in agriculture and livestock nutrition. But I think I need to take a class in sitting up straight. Class all day starts weighing on the 'ole back and neck. I'm not used to looking down at a table with papers and books all the time either. And, I may possibly be as old as my instructor :)

writers block, perhaps

2011-01-04T10:07:00.000-08:00

So...I feel the need to write but have so much going through my mind I'm not sure where to start.

When I feel this way, the best remedy is a good hunt. The holiday season is over, school has not started yet and bow season is coming to an end. One tree stand is kind of not safe right now and ensures a chiropractor appointment. The other stand I've never had any luck on. So today I'm going out to the deer blind...precisely where I almost died across the river 2 years ago. But, I did see good deer there that time so I will go back. Maybe they'll get closer this time. I should have kept up my hunting journal this year. I haven't journaled since 2008. The following year I was unable to leave Riverlyn with Jason, the year after that I only went twice because, well, you just can't nurse a baby in a treestand in 30 degree weather. I wonder why God didn't work that one out? Hmmm....

Here's to today! To save my sanity, my patience and to get a good dose of worshipping my Heavenly Father in all His amazing creation. That's possibly the best part; aside from the adrenaline rush. Goodluck me. I usually don't "goodluck myself" but right now, there's no one to wish me luck :)

a ranch will be mine, this i know

2010-12-18T05:25:00.000-08:00

The ranch is calling me. I can feel it. Besides, I got a really cool new vest I need to break in with a little red dirt...perhaps some cow slobber. I've decided on my lifes dream and I'm not going to let anything get in my way. At almost 31, I have plenty of time to make it work and for 31 years I have lived my life to please everyone else. My goals, my day to day activities, my schedule, my decisions, have all been made for as long as I can ever remember to please someone else. And never again will I be dependent on another human being. I only have 1 year left for my Pre-vet to be finished. I will either go on to vet school or major in animal science. I just wish I would have realized this, oh, about 10 years ago, but God had a plan for me, for some reason or another. I've learned NOT to ask God "why," but to wait patiently on the Lord so that I may mount up with as eagles. And for that promise of His, I'm so giddy with excitement I can't hardly contain myself.

My dream is to own a ranch. A working ranch. There's lots of things that play in to why I want a ranch. Is it the way I feel when I come back from western Oklahoma? Is it that I discovered the best show in the whole world on Animal Planet called "Last American Cowboy," or is the fact that my heart was stuck in western Oklahoma but my body was moving around in a military family and I never got the chance to bloom in the place my heart was planted? Or is it the fact that it's always been my calling from God but my own agenda and sin have stood in the way of me seeing it?

I have a need to work cows. I have a need to pull a calf. I have a need to drop feed and count head. I have a need to ride a fence line and check for breaks. I have a need for these things to be mine and not just go to my cousins, or grandma's, or a friend. (The secret bonus? I could hunt and fish on my OWN place and never feel like I'm imposing by asking permission or have to travel hundreds of miles to get to grandma's.) What's it going to take for me live this out? I don't know, and I really don't care. I think my 6 year old daughter has developed such a love of horses (and she's getting quite handy with them) that she's probably willing to sacrifice just as much as I am to get to the point where we can get up out of bed, go to the barn, hop on horseback and herd some cattle. One thing I lack is long time experience. Oh I havea little experience...with family. But having someone give you the time of day to let you do some labor for them just doesn't happen...especially when they see a single mom with 2 small girls and you weigh a buck ten. I won't lie, people judge a book by it's cover and for me, that's unfortunate. I love horses, any woman would probably let me come work with horses, but cows are my passion. Cattle and land is what I want in life. And I'm not willing to let anything stand in my way to get to that point, God willing. Umm, looks like I have alot of savin' up to do now. I guess I will head to western Oklahoma for a couple days sometime soon, get my fix and then buckle down because I have chemistry this semester...ugh.

2010-12-15T19:19:00.000-08:00

Wow. Today is day I don't want to repeat, but as long as there is life on earth, it will someday happen again. Sasha died today. Riv was 2 years old when we got her. Sasha was 8 weeks old. I potty trained them at the same time. Sasha had a curious streak. She was the most loyal dog. Her only goal was to love you, no matter who you were; and she would knock you over to lick your face to prove it. But if she caught scent of a rabbit, cat, skunk or a pretty little flower her nose took over. Today she was hit by a car, and the hardest part was telling Riv. She had her break down. She wanted to see her one last time. She was upset the most that she didn't get to say goodbye. She wanted me to promise to never get her another dog again. (I just told her she would make that decision when she was a little older.) I told her time would heal our hurts and Loki needed our love right now. She decorated a piece of wood, Jason nailed it onto another piece of wood to form a cross to put under her favorite tree. And tonight, she lays sleeping with an 8x10 picture of her and Sasha, smiling and happy. And now, that everyone is asleep and the day is done, I will have my breakdown. Goodbye Sasha. I love you so much and we will never forget you.

Update coming soon...I promise

2010-11-17T16:17:00.000-08:00

Wondering where I've been? I've been around, just not here...obviously. I will have an updated blog very soon. It needs a facelift. It's a little outdated. I'm sad to say, life has thrown a few curveballs lately and I will do my best to explain, maybe. Stay tuned...either for a detailed update or just a simple facelift. Not sure God will give me the words yet to explain my "life situation."

love you all...I'm without internet and can only get online when I come out to the house or take my laptop to the McDonald's parking lot to get Wifi. Yeah...I actually have to do that.

"Homeschool Jungle Freaks?"...I guess so!

2010-07-28T08:06:00.000-07:00

I once heard someone referring to the certain family on the TV reality show "19 and counting" as "homeschool jungle freaks." I laughed out loud. It used to be, when you thought of homeschoolers, you would see an image of a mom and bunch of children, all wearing matching home-made skirts, white bobby socks and tennis shoes; all with long hair pinned up in some prairie-fashion style while the young men sported dark blue Rustler brand jeans, with some sort of buttoned up shirt and NO DOUBT a haircut done my mom or dad in the back yard....not that there is anything wrong with that, to each is own! But people definitely formed immediate opinions when they saw them walking through the local Wal-Mart. As a product of public school, I know I had some shallow ones of my own. My, how things have changed! Now, I must say, I live in a part of the United States where, I admit, we have it pretty darn good compared to most people around the coasts and our infamous southern border. We've gotten close but still are conservative enough in the state of Kansas to not feel the effects (yet) of teaching elementary school children how to put condoms on cucumbers, what birth control is, what "cunnilingus" is and how to do it. School in some parts of our country consists of teaching our children that the United States "stole" Texas and Arizona from Mexico and that there really are no borders. Liberal propaganda? Maybe. Lack of classical education? Absolutely. I could go on and on and on.

I've heard all the typical rebuttles of homeschool. When you tell people you are homeschooling, you are sure to get someone else's opinion about what you are "doing to your children.." I guess what I see I am "doing" to my child is giving her the opportunity to learn at her pace, to be involved in music, sports, art, clubs, and do chores and still go on vacation when ever we want. I understand that not every parent can or wants to homeschool their child. It's definitely NOT for every parent. Many of my close friends would end up in the looney bin spending all day every day with their child...and with my 10 month old's personality, she may end up going to public school. :) Anyway, homeschool these days is different than it used to be. We have Sedgwick County zoo with an endless, hands on, on sight educational opportunity. We have exploration place who has programs that cater to homeschool children. We have the Wichita Children's Music Theatre. We have the YMCA where she can play team sports year round with an experienced coach, cheer, dance and take a P.E. class for homeschool children. And then we have our house...5 acres, some wooded, some not, where she can touch, feel, watch and learn with her own senses about the creation and science that life is based on. On the luck side of things, we have many families in the area that homeschool as well and we can be part of co-op that has countless opportunities.

Another reason...time. Every parent has the RIGHT (our government would beg to differ) to raise your children as you see fit. With the location of our home and the school district we live in, here would be a typical day in the life of public school. My 5 year old would have to get up at 5:30am to be able to catch the bus down our dirt road at 6:30. An hour later she would arrive at school, still half asleep. She then would spend 8 hours in a classroom with her attitude and morality being influenced by people I do not know. I'm not trying to dog on other parents, I'm just saying not every parent cares as much about their children's manners, morals and words as much as I do. I vividly remember being on the bus at the age of 5 and 6th graders were passing a used condom, hooked on a pencil over our little heads laughing hysterically. Funny, the same day I got off the bus and asked my mother what the word "fuck" meant. Why would I opt for that? Back to the typical day she and I would endure: After being expected, at the age of 5 to sit paying attention in a classroom for 8 hours, (clearly not what 5 year olds should be expected to do) she would then get on the bus sometime after 3pm. The bus then drives to the middle school, picks up those kids, then goes to the high school to pick them up. By the time she would arrive back to our road to get off the bus it would around 4:30pm. Seeing as how she would have to get up 5:30am the next morning my little girl would have no choice but to be in bed asleep by 7:30 at the latest for her little body to get the sleep she would need to endure the day all over again. I absolutely can not justify seeing my daughter for 3 hours a day. She's my child, my flesh and blood. No matter how I've sliced the pie, I can not figure out how this would be okay in ANY standards. If it is "okay" then why did I even have a child in the first place? (okay, okay...also, I can not see myself bundling my infant up at 6 o'clock in the morning, to trek through a snow storm a mile down the road which is usually impassible several times throughout the winter....selfish reason? Perhaps.)

So, will we be homeschool jungle freaks? If it means that my child doesn't have to sit, bored, in a classroom while other students catch up, or while the naughty kid takes the teachers attention and time, or if it means she gets to spend time on the sport or art that she seems to be very good at such as a traveling softball team, or a musical production, then so be it. If it means I can teach her something from a textbook until she understands it as opposed to being given a time to simply memorize it and have a test to stress her out over it, then so be it.

We ARE homeschool jungle freaks as I heard it put once.

Beloved Red Dirt

2010-06-15T08:46:00.000-07:00

Last month we went down to my grandmother's ranch in western Oklahoma. I think, and I hope, it is everything my papa had dreamed it would be. This place is where my heart always was and always will be. I was born near there, when it was only the 55 acres. A few purchases by my grandparents here and there and now it sums up to be several hundred acres. Before my papa died, he bought one last track, sight unseen. He had dreams for it. Then he passed. But God knew what He was doing. Roughly a year after my papa died my cousin Joshua was born. I believe God sent us Joshua to carry out my papas vision for the place I call "NeeNaw's Place." I always spelled it that way. Joshua and his brother spell it Nena. I don't know that any of us care how it's spelled, so I'll just say NeeNaw. I was the first of 4 grandchildren. While learning to say grandma it just came out Neenaw. Now, most kids of Elk City (who are now becoming adults) call her NeeNaw. My own father calls his mom NeeNaw. My aunt calls her NeeNaw. My papa even called her Neenaw. Here's My Neenaw holding Tekoah when she was a few weeks old.

I wanted to live there my whole life, for that was where my heart belonged and my soul longed to dwell there. It still does, and it always will and I will continue to get to that place as often as I can for the rest of my life. The memories abound of me and my cousin Jeremy (Josh's older brother) of running out the door of NeeNaw's yelling "goodbye" and not returning for hours. Playing explorers, hunters, running through ravines and pastures seeing what we could find. Our adventures usually found us seeing how far we could get into holes and trees that stretched out over the ponds, shooting pop cans on a log across the pond, fishing, pretending, and looking for turkey feathers and skeletons of cattle long deceased. We were 2 very small children, turned out, trusted, and left to explore at our own ravenous pace. There weren't cell phones and nobody worried about where 2 young adventures were or what they were doing out in the middle of a 300-400 acre ranch, and we journeyed back to the house only when our stomachs told us it was time to eat. We'd scarf down NeeNaw's macaroni and cheese and then head out again until the sun was going down. Occasionally, we'd take a family hike or toss fishin' poles over our shoulders and the lay of the land became ground into our memory. We knew it like the back of our hand by the age of 10...every ravine, farm implement, vine, dead tree, fox hole, trail, and many other discoveries we chose not to tell anyone we found...like the old homestead across a fence line that had been destroyed by a tornado possibly in the 40's or 50's. Woops! Sorry Jeremy! Now they all know we jumped that barbed wire fence! One time we took a piece of wood and nailed it to a couple pieces of styrofoam and attempted to float across the pond, knowing that if the adults caught us, we would be toast. But they let us go, spread our wings and realize things that one could only learn by experience in God's green wilderness. As we got older, these memories became like a drug...always searching for the first time high of what it felt like to discover something new and exciting. Deer, open gates that were forgotten to be closed, newborn calves, killing snapping turtles, and night fishing. It was everything that made me who I am and for that I will be forever grateful. When my sister was born, then there were 3. She tried so hard to keep up with us, running through the woods, trying to teach her how to unhook a fish, showing her the rope and tire swing that had been there for tens of years...and then when Joshua was born, we were all older. Jeremy joined the Navy, I got married, my sister Kacy got married and the memories became more precious than ever. Jeremy, my forever partner in crime is located on a Naval base so now when I go to Neenaw's my escapades are now with Joshua, 15 years younger than I, although sometimes I presume he may be wiser than I. My memories with Joshua include fishing with my daughter and Jeremy's daughter Kendyl. The two 5 year olds like playing with all the fish caught, screaming and giggling at the top of their lungs. They like to touch the fish eyes. They were so caught up with themselves they didn't notice us untie ourselves from their raft and leave them in the middle of the pond to discover that first realm

of bittersweet independence.

Joshua. He is everything any boy should long to be. He's going to be a sophomore, varsity football player (I heard his nickname was "the tank.") He has a perfected curveball and pitches varsity. He was ranked 47th (or something like that) in the state of Oklahoma his freshman year of high school. He invests his money in cattle because he sees more dollar signs and common sense than alot of adults in America. He's a redblooded american kid that every boy should model their lives on. He's humble, respectful, hardworking, responsible, can cook a killer steak on the grill and wears boots to protect his feet from getting crushed under several hundred pounds of cow hooves.

Joshua now runs cattle with Justin, a family member on the ranch, and NeeNaw, I think, is living out her beloved's dream. Joshua is the vehicle and the blood of the wonder of life is the fuel that keeps it going. Joshua will perhaps go to college, more than likely on sports scholarships. I sit back and wonder what the master plan for his life is and wonder if he will continue running cattle. Joshua and I have alot in common. We both have an artistic side, we both love to hunt and fish (he's way better at it than I am) and we both love cows. We love to eat them. We love to take care of them and we both have alot of compassion for hurt animals. When we went down to NeeNaw's place last, I'm sure I drove him crazy wanting to get in on the action counting the heads of the livestock and I really wanted to get in on the action of tagging a calf that had yet to be caught. To me, it was amazing the way he caught the calf by the hind leg, laid him over and while trying to keep the cow under control, pinned to the ground, he attempted to talk me through piercing the little guys ear. Later on that trip, we came across a calf stuck in a ravine, evidence of afterbirth and a scared mama cow told us he was a newborn and had fallen into the deep hole under a downed cedar tree. I pulled the front legs, Joshua picked up his back end and we got him out. We then realized this little guy was blind. I nursed him with a bottle and Joshua called his cousin while they decided the little guys fate. He wouldn't last in the pasture. Nobody wanted to keep him. I couldn't take him, for he wasn't mine to take.

Then reality set in that "Stevie" would go to the slaughter house with his momma cow who didn't prove to make good calves. In the end, I probably made Joshua's job a whole lot harder but he would never let on. He has more patience, respect, and self-control and he is the wisest almost 16 year old I've ever known. He's a cowboy through and through. He is my papa's grandson whom he never met. They share a spirit I long to be around.

One day, I suspect, Jeremy and Joshua, Kacy and I will all be together...someday. Who knows when that will ever be. But when I step foot on that land, everything I was, everything I am, and everything I long to be comes to surface and I am where I belong. The cattle, the hunts, the trot lines, hooking myself with fish hooks, the boots and the cow patties, the grasshoppers and the turkeys, the red dirt....these are all the reasons I can't stand a man who is afraid to get his hands dirty. These are the reasons it drives me crazy when a healthy, young person complains because they are sweating or it's "too hot." These are the reasons vegens have an ignorant and worthless lifestyle. These are the reasons I can never again surround myself with the pavement of the city and the tall buildings that fence you in away from the horizon like a prison. These are the reasons I have a passion for growing my own food just for the taste of it and the wonderment of being self-sufficient. These are the reasons that I could survive in a terrible time. These are the reasons I am every ounce of who I am. And now, I share it with my children, hoping it will make them compassionate and tough. Hoping they will understand the importance of getting out into the yonder so they can find themselves. Hoping they will look at my memories and share some with me.

2010-03-17T06:04:00.000-07:00

So, today is St. Patty's Day '10. That's just a reference, I could care less. Green is my favorite color; I wear it all the time. I'm about as far from Irish as it gets, though. I'll still wear my super cool green hat, today, maybe.

It's been awhile since I've posted here. Facebook is interesting. It sucks you in, you get curious about what everybody is doing and not a soul cares about what you are doing. You continually check like it's going to make a difference or something...or like someone might actually acknowledge something you post; like someone other than family or the usual people. You get on wanting to feel accepted. It's like high school all over again. It's stupid, really.

So there's a lot going on my life right now. Sometimes, in our spiritual life, we are on a roll, we're on top of a mountain with the Lord. His presence is obvious, doors are opening, messages are clear, prayer time is easy, your patience and your other fruits are easily demonstrated.

Sometimes we are in low-lying valleys. Life seems to be dry, the Holy Spirit seems to be lurking somewhere not to be accessed. God is testing our rational faith in Him. The emotional "high" of the Holy Spirit is not there. Can you still fully walk in the Lord's path and patiently listen and wait for the return of the Spirit?

My life right now, is in a desert, the low lying valley. But it's not dry, it's flooded with things I don't want to deal with. It's an erupting volcano pouring raging lava of distress into the soul and my eyes and ears are screaming for the Holy Spirit, yet the only thing I can find in my search for Him is his small still voice in my heart saying "wait."

Why God? You are so present in my life all the time, accept in this one issue. No matter what I do, I'm still confused on how to deal with it. I'm trying to figure out what I'm supposed to do here. I'm trying to find my way out of this valley, or you. One of the two has to happen or I will lose my mind. That simply can not happen. I have 2 children, and they need me. God. Please. Open this next door. NOW. Please. I need to move on. I know there is a fork in the road coming, but I can't even get to that fork because the "path" I'm on isn't forking yet...How long God? Seriously? I have been faithful to you, I have given everything of myself for your glory. I have felt your presence in my life, I have praised and worshipped you, and have promised to keep you center of my life, and Lord you KNOW I've been faithful even when I've been slapped in the face over and over and over again. In every other area of my life, you answer my prayers, I feel your presence, you work things out, your love overwhelmes me, you speak to my heart, I hear you, I follow you, I rest in you, you give me peace about things....except this one thing. You told me you're not going to give me more than I can handle...that sure is scary Lord seeing that what I've been dealing with is about all I can take. If it's going to get worse and You are not going to provide a way out for me, then I need to know now. It has to end one way or another, it's causing confusion and it's causing distress. This is not what you want, Lord? Right? You surely don't want this for my children. I started asking you 6 years ago. I can be patient and I have been. But day after day, of begging you Lord, please hear me now. What I'm asking is for your glory! What I'm asking is going to take the pain away! What I'm asking is do-able...
If you don't answer this one prayer, then the ONLY consequence is death, destruction, sadness and lonliness. So I know you will answer me. I know you can hear me. I know you are there, but why wait any longer? Heal the situation, or end it. I have a life to live. I need to move on to the left or to the right but I can't waver in this torture any longer.

Ya know what Lord? Forget about me! At least have mercy on girls! Please?

Christmas 2009: What it's like to be Jason's wife...

2009-12-26T10:16:00.000-08:00

I should have known....things like this happen to us on a regular basis. Why wouldn't we have an "incident-free" holiday?

Christmas morning, J got off work from the fire-station and headed through the snow-covered city to get to his parents house so he could put Riv's present (a battery powered Princess Toyota FJ Cruiser) in the back of his truck and bring it home. We stored it there so she wouldn't ever guess we had it :).

7am: Jason calls. Our dirt road is completely covered in a 6 foot snow drift and the nose of his jacked up big-wheeled Deisel engine 4x4 Dodge is buried in the drift. He didn't realize how deep it was. There's no other way in or out of our road due to the bridge over the river being washed away in a flood 2 years ago. There's nothing he can do but start walking home in a wind-chill below zero. I sat by the window, sipping my coffee, wondering if someone was going to steal her gift out of the back of the truck. Who, on Christmas morning, was going to come plow our road? Finally I saw him walking down the road. Trudging through the snow, half frozen. After he made it inside, he fell onto the kitchen floor and thawed out. We hesitated but didn't know of any other option but to call our good friend and neighbor, Mr. Winzer, for help. They managed to cross a couple fields, through several creek beds, through several cattle gates and meandered their way to the highway that our road comes off of. The took both trucks and the gift in the back of one back through the way they came, only for our Mowing Truck to lose it's 4x4 and get stuck. (It's an old "piece" if ya know what I mean...) But, alas, he got the gift home, thanks to Mr. W and Riv recieved her gift on Christmas morning.

Now, Mr. W is a wonderful man with a wonderful family, but he and J are two of a kind. This is why they get along so well. They live in the same world :)

Later on, Christmas afternoon, J saw Mr. W and his wife driving down our road.

"Wonder where they are going..." I said.
"I know what they're doing. They just want to see how far they can get down the road before they get stuck." J says. Jason then goes to get the tow ropes and chains and by the time he catches up with the Winzer's, they're stuck :) You see, two peas in a pod! Karen feels me, right?

Later on that evening Mr. W came over for a Christmas dinner and fellowship. My dad was able to come as well, since the plows were able to make it down our road at about 4pm. Jason's dad came out as well and put his turkey carving skills to good work...and he also brought some chocolates :). At the end of the evening, I think J decided he would figure out his stuck-truck situation the next day.

So, today, Jason figured he should probably go see if he can get his Mowing Truck out of the field it's in and at least get it home to fix the 4WD. Heading out, he remembers the winter storm wind took his ground blind and blew it almost into the river. Well, with Jason's luck, why wouldn't you go cross-country in a field with snow drifts to try and recover it...I mean, that ground blind is soooo much more important than a truck, right?

(Are feelin' me here? THIS is what it's like to be Jason's wife ;)

Yes, his truck gets stuck in a huge snow drift. So, of course he needs help getting out. It's Mr. W's property, so naturally, him and his always-willingness-to-help-Jason-out-of-a-really-bad-situation good heart, decides to get his 4WD vehicle and help pull J out. Well, what do ya know, the tow rope pulls off a hitch on the bumper and a power-steering somethin' or other, etc....

It's 12:40, I don't know what my husband and Mr. W are doing right now, but I'm going to stop worrying about. They'll figure it out. They always do. Who knows what they'll conjour up to get themselves out of this pickle, this time...I'm just glad we have such good friends who live so close and who we can always help get out of certain pickles since they get us out of certain pickles...

And this is only 2 days worth of "pickles"...
Merry Christmas Winzers, we love all of you!

THE POWER OF SIN

2009-12-12T21:11:00.000-08:00

Impression...on my mind
Seduction...the temptation, way too blind
Interruption...of my life's path
Suppresion...of pain, my emotionl wrath
Corruption...of my heart
Damnation...is bound to start
Vegetation...of my soul
The Completion...of one big painful hole. - Kendra

"If we walk in the light, as He is in the light...the blood of Jesus Christ His Son cleanseth us from all sin." 1 John 1:7

a dream i had last night

2009-11-16T11:04:00.000-08:00

We were on a boat, a really nice one. It was me, Jason and someone else. In another boat was a driver, another person, and Michael Jackson. We were racing them. We turned real sharp and all of our cows in diapers flew into the ocean. We turned back around to rescue them and as the guys were pulling the cows into the boat I was trying to explain to them why we should just keep the soaking wet diapers they were wearing on them and save the clean, dry ones because the wet ones could still contain "things" until we got to dry land. Then when there was no chance of the cows falling overboard, we'd put the dry ones on.

convo's with Riv

2009-11-06T19:11:00.000-08:00

River: Mommy, we made omelets at school today.
Mommy: ooh yum. did you use eggs and cheese?
River: yes.
Mommy: did you put some ham in it?
River: No, we put hog in it.

Riv' BF Jenna: Dinosaurs are real but unicorns aren't.
Riv: Yeah, there's no more dinosaurs. Some people think a meteor killed 'em.
BF Jenn: They probably ate each other up.
Riv: Yeah, or a earth-crack got 'em. Do you know what a earth-crack is?
(Me: laughing so hard inside I didn't hear the rest of the conversation.)

Me: Who helped you with this project at school?
Riv: Miss D.
Me: Which one is she?
Riv: the perfect one.
me: Why is she perfect?
Riv: She's not fat like Mrs.* She's not really really old like Mrs. ** and she doesn't have a really big forehead like Ms. ***.

When God answers a prayer

2009-10-31T20:53:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, something wonderful happened. God's grace is amazing! Lately, Riverlyn is starting to understand prayer and how to pray. And when she prays, she has such faith! Well, it was raining outside and Riverlyn wanted to go outside with her umbrella. I was feeding the baby in the nursery. After being out in the rain for just a couple of minutes it started pouring. I could imagine her trying to get in the door with the cold rain beating down on her as her precious 5 year old hands try to open the door and get the umbrella in. It simply wasn't going to happen. That's when I hear her open the door just a little and holler at me inside to come help her. I couldn't respond before the door slammed shut. She couldn't hear me now. I was going to tell her to put the umbrella down and just hurry inside. So, that's I started to pray "God, she has so much faith in you! Lord, please let her say a prayer and ask you to stop the rain so you can stop the rain and just give her a light of your existence and love for her."

Then, immediately, the rain completely stopped. It was dead silent. The door opened, she came in and wiped her feet. Her feet pitter-pattered through the house and she ran into the nursery huffing and puffing. "Mommy! It started raining really hard and I couldn't get inside so I asked God to stop the rain so I could come inside. And He did! He made it stop!"

And this is just one of many prayers He has answered immediately like that for me.

We were created to love and be loved.
He is our Father. Do you want to be His child?

Pray for your children! Pray for their health, relationships and safety. Pray for their hearts and ask the Lord to let them feel the Holy Spirit and know it! Pray for help from the Lord to guide you as you raise your children. And always, pray with them and encourage them to pray.

my loves...

2009-10-22T11:03:00.001-07:00

Okay, so I'm totally skipping out on my chance to take a shower just to update this darned blog. Here some more baby pics! She's 4 weeks old now! Can you believe it?

Quick birth story:

Early that morning my back had the familiar back ache...I figured today would be the day, so...I took a shower, put make-up on :), checked my bags and got ready just in case...then the contractions started very mild. I pulled River out of school early, took her to in-laws, and waited for J to get off work. Contractions were getting closer but nothing I couldn't talk through. He got off work and we decided to go to the hospital to see if they wanted me to stay, if they did we'd call family and let them know. They said stay. We officially checked in 5:30 pm. They said I could get the pain meds whenever I was ready but I didn't want it too soon and decided to get it when I just couldn't take it anymore. At 8:25 I said I was ready, she checked me and I was at a 6 and 100%. We were waiting for the epidural-giver and the dr. called. Said she was on her way and to go ahead and break my water. As soon as my water broke, she turned me on my side to get ready for the pain meds. That's when I said she's coming now and the nurse freaked out. There was no time for anything, no dr., no pain meds, no time for scrubs to be put on, i started pushing as they were telling me not to. Screw them, that's what my body was telling me to do! At 8:44 she announced herself as a dr. from another part of the hospital slid in to catch her just in time. (J was there just in case though :) )

Tekoah Rose

2009-09-25T11:41:00.000-07:00

Born 9-23-09 @ 8:44

7lb. 2oz.

20 in.

2009-09-21T21:00:00.000-07:00

It's not quite finished yet but I wanted to put her name out there now.

She'll be here soon!

Tekoah Rose: hebrew; trumpet blast

Biblical place on a hill.

Birthplace of Amos.

Only olive oil from this place was allowed in the Holy Temple.

Riverlyn picked her middle name.

updates...

2009-09-14T10:35:00.001-07:00

Well, baby girl is not here yet. On nights when J is on duty I'm staying at my mother-in-laws in case labor comes in the middle of the night. Considering I live about 30 miles away from the hospital! 12 days away from my due date.

Hey everyone, I've been facebooking and trying to keep up on here so if you have a facebook come befreind me. I tend to go there more often now. And I'm pretty sure I won't be having any journal entries from this year's bowhunting season. If I do it probably won't be until December.

Hope the next time I post here it'll be a birth announcement!

2009-08-27T17:28:00.000-07:00

4 weeks left. My freind Kelly has 5 weeks left. My freind Michele has 3 weeks left.

Good times.

5 weeks left!

2009-08-21T16:15:00.000-07:00

Yes,we are nearing the end of the worst pregnancy ever. Would you believe I'm still puking! I have no idea how I've gained any weight but doc says I'm super healthy.

So, I've missed my blog! That stupid Facebook. Sometimes it's cool, but sometimes it's so stupid! Quizzes are funny....catching up, making conversation, etc., is cool. Receiving a "smile" and a "flower" ???? huh? That's one of the cheesiest things ever. Facebook "smiles and flowers and stars" are like when e-mail first came about and people forwarded those messages that said if they didn't forward it they would wind up dead in an alley or monkey would fly through windshield.

Oh wait...

People still do that huh?

Losers!

Almost....there......

2009-08-15T07:54:00.000-07:00

6 weeks to go 'til baby girl gets here! And in that 6 weeks I have 2 baby showers, 3 birthdays, school starts, Wednesday night fellowship starts, YoungLives Club, Luncheons at Southeast, Riv's dance class starts, and hopefully I will remember 2 anniversaries...which I probably won't. so...Happy Anniversary Mom & Dad, Happy anniversary Kacy and Danny. Oh yeah, and I have to let my sister leave me. She's moving to Iowa. I will miss her!

So which one would YOU cut out if you were me and 6 weeks left to go in a pregnancy.

( Oh yeah, and, I'm taking care of group of chickens while our neighbors down the road are out of town. ) chickens bring me great joy. I would NEVER have chickens of my own, but I love it when I get to boss them around. They have their own little personalities and attitudes. Remember the movie chicken run? That is exactly how chickens are. Hope the 'coons stay away 'til the owners get back. I don't want to deal with chicken parts. I get to eat all the farm eggs that are laid this week!

Random Updates...

2009-08-07T14:05:00.000-07:00

7 weeks left until we meet our baby girl! Sure wouldn't mind if she came a little early!

Our camera broke about a month ago and we decided we'd get a new one but haven't gotten around to it yet...so therefore, I have no pictures to post. :(

Riverlyn starts the Early Childhool Education program at Bluestem Elementary School in Leon this fall. She turns 5 after the cutoff so she can't go to kindergarten. Instead she gets to be a Peer Model Student for her ECE class. It's quite the honor though as they only accept 4 Peer Model Students each year. She will be helping the other kids in the class who might be a little slower at learning and she'll set the examples of how to act in line, and how to follow directions, etc. I think this will perfect for her to use her leadership skills and self-esteem, and also to learn compassion for children that learn slower.

Loki, our boy boxer has doggy lupus. Hehehe. It sounds funny huh? But it's not really. Poor guy lost all his pigment in his face and his nose peels. This kind of lupus is an auto-immune disease. His body's immune system attacks it's own skin cells ultimately killing them. Luckily, it's treatable.

Kylie, bless her heart has lost 3 grandparents in the last 9 months and her grandfather left her grandmother. She's coping good...they were all much older and I guess it wasn't completely unexpected. I took her school clothes shopping today. Just me and her, no River tag-a-long and no daddy, just her and I. It was fun. She's getting to the age of being very trendy and particular about things and it made me excited to go shopping for myself here in about...oh....a year. Ya know, post-baby body....

Well my garden is finally taking off. I'm glad I didn't plant it as large as last year. Harvesting is tough, squatting, bending over, drenched in sweat, all while pregnant. Not ideal. Needless to say, Jason has really been doing alot of the garden work. It irritates me when I can't do my things I always do but ya know, baby is worth it of course!

YoungLives will be a little akward this year...it will definitely take a little while to figure out what I can and can't do with River's school schedule in Leon and meeting the girls in Wichita. Anyhow, WOW how God is doing amazing things with this ministry. When I first started doing it last fall my friend told me how some of these pregnant and parenting teens would just break your heart. Well, I totally get it. Some break your heart because you see them not wanting Christ in their lives. Then the others break your heart because you see how sweet and loving they are and they're trying their hardest to learn all about Jesus and learning how to raise their babies with love. It's wonderful. I might be going to a different group of girls this year which will be awesome, but I will miss a few that I was just getting to know so greatly!

Well, enough about the Nelson homefront. I'll try to post more consistently for my family regarding baby stuff.

ttfn

I hear wedding bells

2009-07-13T19:12:00.000-07:00

This is my dad (he could never deny me, hehe!) and his fiance Tobe. He proposed and she said yes! Dad will soon be moving to Wellington and I will soon have a new step-mom and 2 step-brothers. It's another chapter in Del's book of life.

Congratulations Dad and Tobe!

Just touchin' base

2009-07-11T06:01:00.000-07:00

Isn't this cute?I finally bought the nursery bedding. I ran across this at Bass Pro. You might get a better view at bassproshops.com.

I before E except after C

2009-07-02T07:13:00.000-07:00

We are off to Tablerock again. This has to be the last time this summer I have to travel for 4 hours in a car while preggo. Happy Independence Day everyone! Cherish it now; with Obama as president, your independence will soon be gone.

Oh yeah...I've been wanting to point this out for quite some time now but haven't gotten around to it. Why do I coninually spell the word "friends" wrong? I always spell it "freinds." Don't ask me....I just always have and probably always will as long as I type it. Now, if I write it I don't misspell it. Wierd huh? Did I spell wierd right? See, the thing is my fingers have a super hard time allowing me to make one hand type the "i" key before the "e" key so it's just a lot easier to just keep my flow and keep on typing. So, this is my disclaimer. I know how to spell f-r-i-e-n-d. But I may just choose to type it however it comes out. K?

Nesting may be setting in.

2009-06-23T12:52:00.000-07:00

In the last two days I have
1. Gone through and cleaned out Riv's closet, dresser and toys, bought bunkbeds so the girls can sleep in the same room when Kylie's here;

2 Went through my closet, dresser, shoes, linens and towels;

3. Went through all winter stuff;

4. Packed up clothes in tubs to keep for baby girl when she's 4 and 5.

I ended up with 5 large trashbags of clothes / stuff for the Goodwill Store.

Mission Accomplished.
Next Mission??
Get Jason to load it in the truck,
Get Jason to put together bunkbeds,
Get Jason to go through his winter clothes in what is soon to be baby's closet,
Get Jason to put crib together.

Happy Anniversary honey!

2009-06-19T15:04:00.001-07:00

Bowfishing on Tablerock Lake, MO 24 weeks pregnant. ( I never caught anything....imagine that...) J was soooo patient with me as I had to look in every cove possible. He went as slow as possible for the whole day so I could get something and the chance never came.

I fished in this raft at the mouth of the Roaring River because the boat was too big to get to the good spots. I did bowfish here...which was pretty funny. I shot my arrow only to hit the bottom of the river. When I retrieved it, the broadhead was gone. After assuming it broke off upon impact, we found it on the floor of the boat. Which means it wasn't screwed on tight enough, so it fell off. Good thing I didn't get a fish, there was no arrow to kill it. Hehehe! Happy Anniversary baby. I can't believe I kept you around for the last six years. Or vice versa. (j/k)

Whoa! Where's this hottie's face at?

A special girl

2009-06-02T18:08:00.000-07:00

This is my friend C. I met her as a mentor through YoungLives. She just turned 18, graduated high school, and her daughter just turned 1. God placed her in my life. On graduation day I took her to get her hair done. She graduated with an infant and she deserved something special. I pray for C everyday that she would feel the presence of the Holy Spirit knocking on her heart's door. I pray she allows Christ in so that He can start leading her down the path He has for her and her daughter.

Love you C!

Several posts in 1...because I'm leaving town for 4 days to find my sanity and celebrate our 6th wedding anniversary on Table Rock Lake

2009-06-02T17:57:00.000-07:00

Kylie was in town last weekend and all last week. One night the girls spent the night with Mimi so Jason and I had a night alone. I've been soooooo busy with stuff I left 2 days worth of dishes in the sink because I simply wasn't available to get them done. I've never left a sink full of dishes overnight, much less 2 days worth. So, my husband took it upon himself on our "night alone" to build a dish assemblage. I have to say, being an artist, I'm super impressed! The bowl on top was a challenge, but he finally got it to stay.

Sisters in Mimi's pool

Summer fun: washing the camper and playing in the water hose. (Only my husband washes the camper...he must get it from his dad.)

2009-05-30T20:22:00.001-07:00

Tonight, I'm completely overwhelmed. So much to do, so many appointments and dates to keep, and so little time to do it. It seems like no matter what the situation, there's something that's going to be physical challenge and I'm not used to having these physical challenges. Yesterday I realized I was out of dog food; so I went to the store to get a small bag since J wasn't there to carry the 44 lb. bag. Of course the oh-so-lovely Wal-Mart of Augusta didn't have any small bags, but I have to drive 11 miles to the nearest shopping center so I was NOT about to turn around. When I got to the pet aisle and realized that I would have to get a big bag of food, I had to walk ALL THE WAY back to the front of the store and get a basket. Considering my day had already consisted of picking up the house, cleaning the kitchen, doing 2 loads of laundry, taking Kylie back to Emporia and driving back, cleaning out the girls arts and craft cabinet, and texting countless texts to a teen girl having a crisis, the very last thing I wanted to do was walk all the way across the store again.

But I did, waddling like a penguin on tennis balls the whole way. The days worth of "stuff" along with gravity was setting in. I managed to get the bag of food pushed into the basket from the shelf. When I got to the truck with the food, my husband's already too large truck on a lift was just the right height to heave and ho the bag of food to the floor board (which was level with the top of the basket.)

When I arrived home, I then had to feed the dogs. I looked at the bag of food, realized there was no way I could actually lift the bag, I just ripped it open from frustration, filled up the dog bowls and just left it there, in the hot smoldering heat of a closed up vehicle. I didn't even care. I just had to remind myself to tell J it was there the next day.

And this is how every day has seemed to be for the last month. Today was just as crazy with one truck getting tires put on leaving me to drive the mowing truck (hilarious if you only knew the details...but that's another post...), a quick trip into Wal-Mart to grab some dancing tights for Riv's dance rehearsal, dance rehearsal starting at 9am, not ending until 3pm, all which included pictures, hair, make-up, tap dancing outfit changes, blah-blah-blah, then, I miss C's graduation party. When I got home, I still had to do the normal duties. So here it is 11pm and I have church tomorrow (which I feel obligated to go because I've missed the last few Sundays due to out of town trips and previous exhausting days) then all the hair, make-up and outfit changes for the dance recital tomorrow evening. Then I get to start Monday with just as much "stuff" to do.

By the looks of my calendar, I think I'll have August to start planning for baby. Exhausting.

I'm exhausted.

Shell Knob, Missouri

2009-05-24T06:06:00.000-07:00

Yeah, so I don't know what got into me with that last post. Lack of "posting material" I guess.

I'm at Tablerock Lake this weekend. One of my favorite places! It's so beautiful here. The people are nice as can be...but they are true hillbillies. They can't drive, they can't talk, dress, or spell here...but dang they sure do love to be friendly! . Jason and I saw a sign and this is what it said in spray painted letters: FIRER WOOD

Hilarious. But they're politeness and friendliness are so great!

I got my first real sunburn of the season. I bought SPF 50 and made sure to cover every inch of skin. I get real dark but not first thing coming out of winter and spring. Then, I covered the girls. I kept reapplying it to them and forgot to reapply on myself. My back and my chest are bright red...just what I needed, more uncomfortableness.

J and I have been fishing almost non-stop since we've been here. OF COURSE, I haven't caught a thing. But, he's only caught 3 little bass so I don't feel so bad. I hear this is a tough lake to fish.

Happy Memorial Day weekend everyone.

Just for fun! this is cheesy.

2009-05-21T16:04:00.000-07:00

So I was thinking about "life" the other day and how much has changed in my life and how much I have changed ( for the better!) and all the things that made me who I am. I was thinking about some things in my life that people might not know about. Here's some things about me and my life that you find interesting; and if you are reading this, tell me things about you that not a lot of people know.

1. I'm a black belt in TaeKwonDo (I have both ACL reconstruction surgeries to prove it!) I got to train with the Olympic head coach, and the Olympic team while we lived in Colorado. Then we got stationed to good ole' Kansas. I haven't done TaeKwonDo in 10 years.

2. I can put both feet behind my head (well, when I'm NOT pregnant I can.)

3. I got to be a co-driver in my Papa's semi-truck when he hauled a load of beef from Oklahoma to Missouri. His handel was "The Dutchman," mine was "grasshopper legs." My NeeNaw and my sister stayed in bunk of the cab and colored the whole time.

4. I started school in Japan and didn't move to the U.S until I was 10.

5. I can count in English, Spanish, Japanese and Korean.

6. I've only put any type of color in my hair twice in my whole life; about 5 years apart from each other. Then I realized how materialistic and stupid I was to actually spend that much money on hair only to have to turn around and spend the same amount to touch it up again 6 weeks later. No thanks. Thank you God for my blonde hair.

7. I got my nails done at a Salon once. No wait, twice. Once for prom, they were gone by morning, and once for my wedding. They didn't hold up so well on the 4-wheeling excursion and the river rafting trip on our honeymoon. Plus, those things hurt. It's not in my nature to put plastic on me to make me look good when in reality it's stupid expensive, you can't do everyday household duties, and you sure as heck can't have any fun with them on. Quite frankly, I keep my nice, strong, healthy nails just that way by not covering them in glue and ripping them apart.

8. I think this post turned into a rant...woops!

9. I'm a mentor to pregnant and parenting teens.

10. I thrive in 110 degree weather.

11. I got suspended in 7th grade for depantsing someone in gym class.

12. I've been in a lot of fights, all but one was inside the ring while sparring. When I was 12 I got my butt kicked by my 40 year old grandmaster. It was all in training for the Junior Olympic Team.

13. I designed my wedding ring.

14. I can have conversations with my dogs. Really. They talk back too.

15. I, Me, Kendra, the one writing this, actually held an office job. Once in a bank (where I actually moved up the ladder!) and once for my father-in-law's investment firm. Can you believe it? I did that.

16. I, Kendra, am hosting a baby shower for my way cool new freind K* who's having a boy and is due 6 days after me. Me! I'm going to plan a baby shower. This is huge people. But I will not do my hair and nails for it. Sorry. But we are going to rock n' roll this party, because K* rocks.

17. I have one brother who's a vegetable and has been for the last 13 years. (Brain annurysm ) sp?

18. I have another brother who was emmancepated (sp?) at 16, spent time in prison and we don't even know if he's alive most of the time. (It's a step-brother, I must clarify, there's no blood relation.)

19. I grow my own vegetables. And I eat them.

20. I have a husband who blows every man out of the water in terms of manliness. YESSSSS!!

Held accountable by my 4 year old

2009-05-11T13:59:00.000-07:00

Driving in the car:
Kendra: (looking in the rear view mirror): "Geez lady, do you want to eat my bumper?"
Riv: What's wrong mommy?
Kendra: This lady is riding my rear-end! I can barely see her car at all and that's dangerous! Back off lady!"

I turn at the stoplight, the lady keeps goin down the road.

Kendra: UUHHH! Finally, geez!
Riv: Do you forgive her mommy?

My new fishin' pole, and the gags

2009-05-04T07:55:00.000-07:00

Where's the motivation? Where's the excitement? We tried so long to have another child so I should be sooo happy. Don't get me wrong. I'm so thankful for my soon-to-be-here new daughter. I just can't shake the ickiness feeling! I've been doing so good the last few weeks and then on Thursday I puked ALL DAY. The baby is really in an odd spot making it hard to sit for more than 5 minutes, but yet the back ache is already starting so I can't stand for too long either. Driving anywhere from my middle-of-nowhere house takes at least 10-15 minutes to get to the nearest town and that's almost all I can handle.

J tried to cheer me up yesterday and it worked, until it was over. He got me a new fishing rod and reel. It's the Ugly Stick. I've been wanting one for awhile so we planned a fishing trip to the pond yesterday. After we got the line strung and River's pole set up with a hook and worm that we dug up, that girl caught 3 fish ALL BY HERSELF! She's always been a good caster, but she's never had the feeling of casting by herself, catching a fish and reeling it all the way in all on her own. She was yelling like a champion everytime she got one. "Daddy, I got one! Daddy, Daddy, I got one!" Of course we won't let her take the hook out of the fish's mouth yet, that's a little too dangerous still. We're still working on getting her to hold the fish the right way to get the hook out. I think that might a little while coming yet. Jason (the sucker) caught fish everytime he casted. (Is it cast, or casted?) I think we stopped counting at 20. He used lures all day. I put shad on my pole and let it sit on the bottom, then used the old pole with lures. I wanted to get a catfish but none of us caught catfish yesterday. Jason's pole he had shad on didn't catch any either so I didn't feel too bad. :) In fact, I only caught 5 all day long. But we won't talk about that. We all caught bass, and only just a couple were of any relevant size. We threw them all back. River was not happy we weren't going to have a fish fry. So, that's an excuse for another very soon family fishin' trip.

I think this was the happiest I've felt for awhile. Truly enjoying myself, my mind was taken off the fact that I'm so uncomfortable. I love seeing my daughter coming into herself and her personality. She's so diverse and I love that.

Then we realized it was 7pm. It was a school night, we hadn't dinner yet, there was a bath to be had, and Jason still had to load up his trailer. So we called it quits. I went to bed pretty darn happy, and super excited to go fishin' again. Then this morning, it's all about fighting the gags. Yea. At least the sun is shining.

IT'S A GIRL!!

2009-04-28T12:02:00.000-07:00

The doc says these are girl parts. This is the only time you'll see genitals on my blog. You have my word.

Check out these long legs...definitely our child.

We'll name her "birdman"
...or "skeletor"

Or we could just call her "skeletor birdman"

"I see you lookin' at me!"

Wish'd I couldda jumped bail, too.

2009-04-27T06:40:00.000-07:00

Check out my sister's blog, http://thepioneerslovemaynard.blogspot.com . Kacy is cRRrraAzZy.

Yeah, that's what we do for fun in the country.

Hope you can find calf 129. or whatever # it was.

Oh yeah, and I'm really jealous Kacy. Bummer I couldn't jump bail with ya'll. I'm pretty sure my preggo belly wouldn't have liked that very much. Last time I was pregnant I rode horseback. But...I probably won't be doing that this time either. And last time, I also rode the jetski, went tubing and bungee jumped (okay, not really on the bungee jump), but I'm pretty sure I won't be doing those things this time either. I will be camping at 8 months pregnant though. Wish me luck. I can see myself backing out of that trip.

17 weeks down, 5 months to go.

2009-04-22T07:57:00.001-07:00

I'm officially 17 weeks pregnant and my ever-growing belly seems to be expanding at an alarming rate...at least to me anyway. I had my 4 month dr. appt. and everything seems to be okay after my "scare." I think I'm starting to feel a little back to normal...accept for my brain. Good thing I have a 4 year old to remind me where we are going, where I left my purse and what day it is. My energy seems to be picking up but the headaches have become overwhelming and relentless. My nausea comes every once in awhile and that can be controlled with my Zofran, but I will still have a no-warning up-chuck or dry-heaving session. Let me tell ya, driving 70 mph down the highway is NOT the time to start throwing up. Pulling over on Kellogg to get out and throw up on the side of the road is quite embarrassing. I've just accepted the fact that I will be sick the whole pregnancy. There will be good days and bad days. For now it's just day by day. I change my clothes 14 times before going somewhere...it's hard to try and look cute and happy and when you don't feel that way, and it totally sucks to do everything in cotton pants and a sweatshirt. I don't want to be a frump; but for now, I really don't care. This too shall pass.

The flip side: In one more week we have our sonogram to find out if we are having a boy or girl. We are praying for a healthy baby. Girl or boy it doesn't matter; although I would love for Jason to have a boy because I don't think we will have anymore. Pushing 30, my body is telling me I better be done. If I had a full time job during this pregnancy I would have had to quit, no doubt.
Jason needs a boy for boy reasons. He has a very special relationship with River and there's nothing compared to the daddy-daughter relationship they have. They hold a special place in each other's hearts that can never tapped into. River like to fish, go on 4-wheeler rides and run outside the second he's heard coming down the road. She runs out the door and starts cheering "daddy, daddy, daddy," as he pulls up the drive and has her special duties she helps him with while he's unloading for the day. She gets to push the dump-bed buttons to dump the grass. She gets to play on the trailer while he's putting up the mowers. During this time she tells him all about her day and what it entailed. When the mowers and trailers are all taken care of for the night, they jump hills and go exploring on the 4-wheeler. She's just like her father, it can 40 degrees outside and neither one of them have jackets or coats. There's too much fun to have to stop and put a coat on, geez. Riv's other side is dress-up, Barbies, and pretend. Jason just can't connect with that, and I guess you can't expect a man with beaten, split, grease stained hands to understand why Barbie doesn't play war games. A boy could bring out that side of him...and I sure could use a break on Barbie's.

But a healthy baby is most important. Our friends had a baby 2 years ago with spina-bifida and it really hit home that it CAN happen to you. Whatever God's plan is will be fine with us because it's His plan.

Well, I'm off to watch the pre-school parade. I'll stand as the pregnant frump amongst the other mom's with their make-up, colored and trendy hair styles and designer name brand clothes and hold in my gags as best as possible. I'll show them one day, you just wait un-pregnant, beautiful other moms!

Bah Humbug

2009-04-13T15:41:00.000-07:00

Happy Belated Easter. Mine was cold.

Hannah Montana was a great movie; not at all what I thought it was going to be like. We will probably end up with the movie and the soundtrack. Really was cute.

and that's all for today.

Tehehe, like totally!!

2009-04-09T12:36:00.000-07:00

On Friday I'm taking my girls to see the new Hannah Montana movie...or will it be Miley Cyrus? Hmmmm.....

But SSHHHH! don't tell them, it's a secret!

Oh yeah, and don't laugh at me....I'll be watching it too. Only because they are too young to go by themselves (okay, okay, and, I'm dying to know which identity she chooses to be for the rest of her life because, ya know, it's really hard to figure out if you want to go through the rest of your life looking like a plastic diva in a wig or be totally cute and cool.) I'm sure they'll be too young to go by themselves until they're like, 25.

Redneck chicks are cool. I wouldn't quite call us hillbillies, 'cause we still have all of our teeth.

2009-04-08T06:52:00.001-07:00

Nae is my best friend. She finally got on blogspot instead of myspace, facebook, blogspot, copying and pasting one post to several different places and then e-mailing the rest of the world. Way to go! If you check out her blog, Nae's Place you can see why we get along so well. We only get together about once every other month...if we're lucky. Our friendship is probably different than most. It's definitely one of those God things. He knew what he was doing, and just in case we were going to miss it, He made it clear we wouldn't. Here's the scoop.

2001: there's a girl in my spanish class. we're obviously the only one's who have common sense in the whole classroom. On the first day we are wearing the same type of boots, hoodies, both have red bandanas on, and on break we go out to our vehicles. We both notice each other, but don't say anything. I go to my Geo Storm. She walks to her Geo Storm. *weird*....in class we sit in opposite diagnal corners in the classroom. We make sure we have an eye on each other throughout the next couple of weeks. Ya know, just to see what the other is doin'. Then we have something in class we have to work on together, so we obviously hit each other up as a partner. And from then on, we've totally hit it off. We continue to find very blatent similarities and really wierd things that we have in common.

I grew up in Japan, she grew up in Papa New Guinea.
We both grew up in very religious upbringing.
We both ran from "religious" type stuff, only to grow up get common sense about the whole thing.
We both have raised dogs.
We both have traveled....A WHOLE FREAKIN' LOT.
We both have come back to the country-girl at heart that we really are.
We both have redneck (and might I add sexy) husbands.
We both love to camp.
We both love to fish. (Although I think Janae is a way better fisherman than me.)
We both have 2 big dogs.
We both have 2 children.
We both love guns.
We both get along better with the guys than with the girls. Whichis why we click so well.
After not talking over a Christmas break in college, we both came back to school and had both gotten rid of our Storm's and purchased Ford Explorer's. *so weird*.
She texts or calls or e-mails at the most random times right when God has laid her on my heart and vice versa.
We both have so many other things like this but there's just too many to remember after 8 years.

We have tele-communication with each other.
We teach our children about firearms, hunting, wildlife, and manners.
Our children can cast a fishin' line better that most fishermen.
Our children will grow up thinking they are cousins. I'm aunt Kendra, and she's aunt Janae.
When we hang out, we are true hillbillies at heart.

One time we thought we were storm chasers. Only to get hailed on in a major way. I guess to do that kind of stuff you need some kind of knowledge or training. It was quite the adrenaline rush though...which is what we lived for. But we have kids now.

We've never been camping, together. *hint hint* Nae!

We'll go to the ends of the earth to find a good fishin' hole or a horse to ride.

Nae's cool. I love her.

Oh yeah, the first time we ever hung out at her aunt's house, her great dane ate my face off. Literally. I saw dog tonsils up close and personal and I think I bloodstained her bathroom. But luckily, I have great healing elements in my skin. (even though I had a bacteria breakout infection for like a year after that in my forehead. hehe.) But no hard feelings. So, Nae, aren't we overdo for an Atwoods visit soon?

Title? There is no title for this post....after thinking about it for 5 minutes and coming up nil, I figured it didn't need a title.

2009-04-01T12:14:00.000-07:00

2 Fridays ago: Head to grandma's...need to relax.

the following Saturday: Drive the 2 hour drive home with baby-to-come in a very uncomfortable spot. I get a phone call from a YoungLives girl who needs me to take her 9 month old, teething, sick daughter over night. I agree, but won't be able to take baby back until 5 o'clock the next day..Sunday.

Saturday night: Teething baby wakes up in the middle of the night, I go to get her and feel a "gush" of something come from a place where it shouldn't when your pregnant, I thought I pee'd myself until the next morning when I found blood everywhere.

Sunday Morning: Bleeding stops. Call the nurse on call...twice. and wait....all day. At 5pm take baby back to her mom and head to my dad's to take him to his surgery apt. at 7 am. on Monday morning. 11pm Sunday, wake up with massive headache and a ridiculous amount of blood....and I still haven't heard from the doctor.

7am Monday: Take dad for a preventative routine surgery (nothing major), wait for him to come out of a local anesthesia and take him to get lunch.....still haven't heard from dr.'s office so I call again, leave 3rd message. Bleeding stops from night before. I get dad back home.

Noon Monday: Dr.'s office calls and says "you need to get to the Wesley E.R as soon as possible.
12:30 Monday: Arrive at Wesley.
2pm Monday: Go up to desk and ask how much longer....they can't tell me.
3pm Monday: Go to desk again, and ask again....they still can't tell me.
4pm Monday: Girl come into ER with a tootheache...waits 20 min. and goes to see the dr., right behind her a girl come in, has scratches on her arm from a fight, waits 30 min. then goes back to see dr. I go up to the desk and ask if that's more important than a possible dead fetus inside of my body and they tell me there's nothing they can do about it. Are you **&%$&#@* kidding me? Jason gets mad, calls insurance co. to see if we're covered at a different hospital's ER...insurance co. can't beleive what they're hearing and tell us to go somewhere else. We go to hospital in Andover.

5pm Monday: Get to Andover hospital, get a room, get a gown, an IV, they draw blood, and get a sono going. Blood work looked okay, sono looked even better, but said i'm at risk so that means bedrest until next apt. Was out of that hospital within an hour.

Get home from hospital Monday night and see roof shingles all over back yard. Great. Then, Jason tells me the brakes on his work truck went out completely and the only thing that got him home were his trailer brakes and downshifting. Great, that's even better.

Tuesday: J finds out it's probably going to cost around $1000 to get his truck taken care of, and decideds since the insurance deductible is also $1000 that he's just going to nail the shingles back on until an even bigger storm comes along and takes more roof, or worse, the whole thing. His buddy calls and says he can do the truck for around $600. We pray for extra work he can do to pay for this stuff. Then, God sends a winter storm. THANK YOU GOD! HE ANSWERS FAST!

Friday: Weatherman forcasts all the ice and snow, and J will be working all through the night and all through the next day to make money that wouldn't have been there. Then....where we live gets 2 in. of ice, then rain, then snow, then my power goes out....for 4 days. I get my food outside (so it doesn't spoil in the warm refrigerator and heck, it's like....30 degrees outside right?)
Head to in-laws.
Sunday: still no power, and the temperature rises to 70 degrees. What?!? Hurry home, put food in coolers with snow and ice that hasn't melted off the deck yet.

***All this being done with the simplest, slightest, slowest movements considering I'm supposed to be resting. The mental frustration at this point is overwhelming and I reach the point of exhaustion.****

Monday: Temp. is warm enough to go home. I sit on my butt with feet up all day (I did that all weekend at my in-laws too...) waiting for electricity. Monday evening the power kicks on, this time to stay.....but the furnace doesn't. OH NO!

Tuesday morning: Furnace is obviously broken, overnight temp. is going to be in the 30's so I call Heating company....they can't come until Wednesday. Whatever! At this point I'm a total pioneer. Oddly enough, I go to the store and they are sold out of all the fake fire logs. Imagine that. Just my luck. I actually expected them to be though. We didn't have real firewood, and if we went to chop some it would be too wet anyways. Oh well, just one more night.

Wednesday: Heating company comes. Looks at furnace for about 5 minutes, flips a hidden switch and TA-DA, furnace kicks on.

God is good. I'm so thankful that my "problems" are so small. They could be so much bigger. I'm so thankful these things are all I had to deal with. It could have been a tragic accident, a fire could have taken my home, a family member could have been diagnosed with cancer, my husband could have lost his job, I could have lost my baby, my daughter could have been gravely ill, any other crisis could have occured.....I know the Lord will see us through things, but I'm thankful HE chose to only give me this week of curveballs with a purpose of testing my faith in Him, my Trust in Him, and my patience. Thank you God for your grace, an undeserving, just-enough grace. Thank you for such a simple life. thank you Lord.

Girls with Guns

2009-03-18T15:33:00.000-07:00

Nae came over with her boys and she brought her guns. That's what us girls do when our husbands are working. We break out the guns and the ammo, and whatever good enough target we can conjour up. This time, it was tin cans and plastic bottles.

This day was extra special. I got to teach River how to shoot. I never thought I'd be the one to teach her and it was pretty cool. I thought she'd be scared. I asked her if she would like to learn and she wanted to. So we went over the gun first (yes, and all the safety steps to be taken) and I explained everything to her. The gun is a rifle.

Bolt action....

and here's the safety:

Now aim, and shoot!

And then did it 3 more times! That's my girl.

One thing I learned this day...when I shoot a rifle, it's addicting; but when I shoot a shotgun, all I can think about is "only a few more shots and then I can rest," and then go home with a bruise on my shoulder. What have I been doing shooting a shotgun this whole time? I need a rifle.

3 months along...

2009-03-12T17:11:00.000-07:00

and only 6 to go. I've been sick for the last 3 months so I have not been very motivated to do any baby stuff yet...any shopping, putting the crib together, taking names seriously, you know, all the stuff you do before you have a baby. I hope that starts kicking in soon. I think it will once I find out what I'm having. Well, my husband just mentioned food so I'm going to eat some more...seeeee yaaaaaa.

getting there....

2009-03-02T07:42:00.000-08:00

Well, just yesterday I told my mother-in-law that I had not vomitted in over a week! And then, late last night and this morning, I let loose, again. But this time, there was no nausea, it just came. Now that, I can handle. I'm still taking my miracle medicine, Zofran and it works.

On a lighter note, I haven't posted on anything else for awhile, but I finally got some pictures downloaded of our much needed family time last month. It was a beautiful day and at the beginning of my nausea and vomiting so I had still been having a few good days here and there.

Sisters....

Finding shells and rocks at the river is a really big deal.

That's Isaiah, a freind's son...don't ask me what he's doing. Never ask a 9 yr. old boy what they are doing when they're at the river. You just might not want to know. And, Jason has an itch to scratch.

Sasha loves the water, she's a great swimmer with no fear. Loki, on the other hand, will barely get his feet wet. But he's only 1 and hasn't been on a family lake trip yet. This was his first trip to the river and it was pretty cold. I have a feeling he'll warm up to the idea when he's the only one left on dry land this summer.

We love hiking through the woods, we do this very often. You never know what you'll find. Kylie, however didn't wear jeans (hiking the woods wasn't in the plans that day...) and she toughed it out. She only had half as much blood running down her shins as she used to get. She's getting good at this.

This is the scary Black Locust tree, or "thorny locust", or Crown of Thorns tree. If my sources tell me right, this is the tree they actually made the "crown of thorns" that was placed upon Jesus' head when he was crucified. If you have ever seen one up close and personal it makes you cringe. If only my photography skills were better to capture it's intensity.

Oh, so beautiful...nothing like a seeing a group of rubs like these. Those of you who know me well know how much I love, love, love, rubs. I've said before on a different post in my Hunting Journal that I wish I could take them home and put them on my wall. Somethin' 'bout it....

Hopefully, next weekend I'm going shed antler hunting. Maybe I'll have some more cool pics.

neverending nausea

2009-02-17T15:22:00.000-08:00

If it wasn't for my daughter I'd be one majorly miserable person. I'm still throwing up at the very minimum of 4 times a day. That's on a good day. I've figured out that lemon juice is the only thing that actually tastes "good." Otherwise I just eat to absorb nutrients before it comes back up. You know how you feel when you get off a real bad carnival ride? That's how I feel all day every day. But here's something funny:

Mommy: Hey River, in 7 months you will be 5 years old!
River: Can I be 5 tomorrow?
Mommy: Nope!
River: Will I be 5 the next morrow?
Mommy: No, honey.
River: what about the next morrow?

another convo:

Mommy: Riverlyn, you are really pushing my buttons right now!
River: What buttons? You don't have any buttons momma.
Mommy: Riverlyn, just stop, okay?
River: But I'm not pushing any buttons!

River: Daddy, what does pushing your buttons mean?
Daddy: It means your getting under her skin. It's a figure of speech.
River: Like this? (she proceeds to lift Jason's hand and put it on top of her head.)
Daddy: ah geez.

Where have I been?

2009-02-10T20:02:00.000-08:00

I've been hugging the toilet, passing out in parking lots and getting a gut.
I sound like a drunk.
No, just pregnant.
Sleep, yak. Eat, yak. Sleep, yak. Eat yak. Eat, Eat, EAt, EAT, EAT.
I had thrown up so much last week that my doc prescribed an anti-vomit medicine. It knocked me out right before I was about to go into the store. I had just taken my daughter to school, went to Dillons, and the next thing I know I'm waking up at 11am. School was out at 11:15, and the Lord woke me up just in time. I was scared though. I'm not taking that medicine anymore.

I'm 7 1/2 weeks today. My belly looks like it is 5 months pregnant. Of course the only thing I have to go on is my pregnancy with River 5 years ago. I think I was in much better shape then. I'm already having TERRIBLE growing pains.

So, lucky you, you get to hear me complain!

But, I've wanted this for so long and now I'm so grateful. I can't wait for the ickiness to pass so I can be excited about it.

This too shall pass, right?

2009-01-29T19:40:00.000-08:00

1. Where is your cell phone? I don't know
2. Where is your significant other? On the bed
3. Your hair color? Blonde
4. Your mother? Excited
5. Your father? Probably snoring in his recliner
6. Your favorite thing? my new dremmel tool
7. Your dream last night? my sister-in-law was addicted to chocolate chips and OD'd and had to go to rehab.
8. Your goal? I already met met my goal....I got pregnant with #2
9. The room you are in? bedroom
10. Your hobby? unfortunately it's house cleaning, then comes creating and 3rd is wasting time.
11. Your fear? being rejected
12. Where do you want to be in six years? Right where I'm at now...maybe with a little more cushion in the bank.
13. Where were you last night? YoungLive's meeting
14. What you are not? materialistic
15. One of your wish list items? an alaskan bear hunt
16. Where you grew up? Japan....seriously.
17. The last thing you did? write an e-mail to my brother-in-law
18. What you are wearing? sweat pants, an old tye-dyed t-shirt and bright pink terry cloth robe...the perfect pregnant woman's wear.
19. Your TV? it's too loud..and has 2 clear channels, whatever the rabbit ears brings in
20. Your pet? Loki is wondering around growling at invisible things...Sasha is asleep on the couch, from end to end.
21. Your computer? should be off.
22. Your mood? Mellow
23. Missing someone? my sister
24. Your car? 3/4 ton Full size Dodge Ram with a tool box and oversized tires...for now, only because the lease on my Vue was up.
25. Something you are not wearing? my wedding ring, i took it off to put lotion on my daughter's pitiful dry winter skin.
26. Favorite story? The Christmas story
27. Your Summer? I pack for a weekend at the lake, get to the lake, unpack, stay as long as possilbe, pack up and come back and unpack, spend the week doing laundry and repacking for the following weekend at the lake.
28. Love someone? Yes, lot's of someone's.
29. Your favorite color? green
30. When was the last time you laughed? Actually it's been a few days
31. Last time you cried? when a special girl accepted Christ into her heart.

Happy New Year, something funny, and Good News!

2009-01-24T07:29:00.000-08:00

This is late but...Happy New Year! I'm pretty busy with Riverlyn's school and freind schedule, church activities, weekly cleaning duties at my father's house and my Father's house, and now Younglives. A couple months ago I joined a wonderful group of girls in a ministry to pregnant teens / teen mom's in high school. We go to the school on a weekly basis to encourage them and ultimately bring Christ to them. Pray for these girls, they need it. They are amazing and charming and such a challenge.

Here's the things I had planned for 2009:
-Mexico Missions trip on Spring Break to build a home for a family in Juarez.
-Our annual crazy river rafting trip in May
-Possibly Colorado trip in June
- A leadership opportunity in September with BOW (Becoming an Outdoors Woman)
-Hunting season 2009

And here's why all of those major events won't be happening this year for me:

I'M 5 WEEKS PREGNANT TODAY!

As most of you know, this is an answered prayer. God listened. I know it's so early so please pray everything stays "okay." This makes new baby's due date right around River's 5th birthday. She's so excited!

And for something funny:
Convo #1:
River: Mommy, you smell like a horse.

Convo #2:
My daughter may only be 4 but she's very aware of gun safety. The sight of one makes her a little uneasy but she's very educated about them and understands the dangers and pleasure of a gun. We talk about it often so she's aware of what it's for, what we do with it, and why it stays under the bed unless we are target shooting. After one of our conversations, I let her hold up the end of it so she could feel how heavy it was. Then I gave her a little quiz:

Mommy: What's the #1 gun rule?
River: Don't shoot it in the house.

(that's my girl!)

Convo #3:
River: Mommy, does God sleep while we're sleeping?
Mommy: No, He never sleeps.
River: Why? Because He doesn't have any sleeping brains?

Convo #4:
Mommy: Aren't you so excited you're going to be a big sister?
River: Yes! And I think we should name it Martha or Enchanting!
Mommy: Uhhhh......hmmmm.

Happy December

2009-01-01T08:12:00.000-08:00

Jason's youngest first cousin from Nashville coming to spend New Year's Eve at our house. These girls have a great bond and they've been inseperable for about 4 days. Matt is Jason's other first cousin. He's Down Syndrome. He is incredibly smart, loving, fun to be around and will never fail to make you laugh. He's also very attached to Jason's brother and who doesn't love a cousin who'll get down on the floor and come into your world once in awhile? Nice move Brian!

My grandmother (85), mom on her 50th birthday, Kylie in front, and Riverlyn who needed to be sure and see every card. Happy 50th mom!

My sister got this dog nose for Riverlyn. She won't have anything to do with it. My sister thinks it pretty cool though!

Riverlyn Paige....ahem, I mean...Gabriella from High School Musical.

Her Christmas shoes. There's a very special story about these shoes so they really mean alot. But don't you love how she dresses herself, very festive!

Lickin the fudge spoon!

Grammy came over Christmas Eve and we made Christmas cookies together! Maybe the start of new tradition?

This my friend the Pink Gorilla. Actually it's my friend Heather. She shows up on people's doorstep unexpectedly and sings them happy birthday and maybe embarrases them a little. She does this for all the ladies in our church. Naturally, she needs someone to drive her around dressed like this. I get that job sometimes.

Our first snow. She had fun!December was a busy month. There was the YoungLives Tea; there was the gathering at Tobe's house (dad's girlfreind); there were Preschool parties, my daughter's friend's birthday party, then there was a "Happy Birthday Jesus" party at church in which Riverlyn was an angel; then there was advent in which I was dressed as an angel and memorized some lines and lit the first advent candle for the children at church; I also spent countless hours in the garage in 22 degree weather working on my gifts for everyone. I made them all this year and I'm going to attempt to do this every year. Then there was Christmas Eve at the Nelson's in which I forgot my camera, and Christmas Day at my house with my family; my sister and I put together a "Surprise 50th Birthday party" for my mom; then there's Jason's family in town from Nashville; and amongst all this, there was the weekly church vacuuming, remembering all the important dates and time, and of course....did you think I would be too busy to make time for hunting? Ohhhh no! There's always time for hunting! Hope you enjoyed your December as much as we did!

When it rains, it pours!

2008-12-17T10:39:00.000-08:00

Monday...oh Monday was awesome. I had been cozied up in the house all day. My husband wasn't working at the fire station or pushin' snow! Riverlyn was home and we had a great, not-very-often relaxed family time. Just hanging out. It was the first day in a coule weeks where I didn't have an obligation scheduled. Actually, I had a Christmas party but I skipped out...I didn't really have to be there. I was so cozy and happy, I just couldn't make myself get out and about and do make-up and hair...call me lazy, but call me happy!

Tuesday...oh Tuesday was just awful! First, we woke up, turned on the faucet and there was no water coming out...(uhh, didn't this happen to me last year? right...) and that's when we realized the pipes were frozen and we forgot to leave a faucet dripping. Great. So we put a propane heater blasting heat onto the water pipes. That was at 8 o'clock in the morning. By 8:30 Jason bailed, he had to go plow. As the heater under the house was blasting heat (like that's not the most dangerous thing in the world) I had to check the faucets every 20 minutes or so to see if we had water yet. And every time, I came up nill. In between those 20 minute intervals I had to go outside to check the heater to make sure it was still blowing under the house, because if the ignition goes out, then I'm basically forcing propane into my home right?

Anyways, By 4:00pm yesterday, my dad was on his way to wrap the pipes in heat tape. Then Jason called to see if we had any running water yet. "Nope," I said. Then, the Carbon Monoxide detector starts going off. "Why's the fire-alarm beeping at me?" I asked Jason via phone. "That's not the fire alarm Kendra. That's the C O detector. Call 911 and get out of the house...be sure and turn off the propane ignition and heater. Hurry."

It was 20 degrees outside so I tell Riverlyn to grab her coat and boots and go outside. That's when I realized that my 4 year old does NOT think straight under pressure. She started running around in circles, hands shaking, terrified look on her face screaming "I don't know where it is..." and then starts crying...She was so scared.

So I got her and both dogs inside the car while I was on the phone with 911. When I hung up, I realized I forgot my keys. I ran back inside scared because I thought my house was going to blow up or something. When I grabbed my keys, water started shooting out of the faucets I had opened earlier. Thank you God! We have water and no broken pipes. See, I knew the propane tank heater would work! Although the firemen told me later the it was also the source of the CO leak. Stupid me. I also felt stupid when they went into my house and all the faucets were running full blast. They probably thought I was dumb AND wierd. Oh well. I have water again, and no CO. And then we played barbies.

It was Mel's idea

2008-12-09T05:48:00.000-08:00

So I saw Mel did this and thought it would be funny...I was really chosen to do this either but it's fun.

1. Open your 4th picture folder on your computer
2. Choose the 4th picture.
3. Post and explain your picture
4. Select 4 other people to do the same.

Sedgwick County Zoo, this gorilla was thinking real hard about what he was going to do to my camera if I took one more picutre of him. I don't think I took anymore considering the path of destruction he left behind him.

Not it

2008-12-01T07:58:00.001-08:00

So, I had my sonogram...my doctor will look at it and will go over it with me in January. The nurse that did it said she thought everything looked just fine but the doc would have final say. However, Jason had a complete physical last week. His doctor called and said his testosterone levels were low. So maybe it wasn't me! So maybe things will be looking up sometime soon. I want to have a another baby before I turn 30!

Our family has all been fighting off chest colds, sinus issues, you know, all the typical winter crud.

Thanksgiving was great. We spent the first half of the day at my mother and stepfathers house. Then the rest of the day at Jason's parents house. This next weekend we'll have more food and ping-pong fun with my dad and his girlfriend.

Other than, life has consisted of hunting, so check out my hunting journal. There's some cool new trail camera pictures and grueling details of sitting in my treestand for the last 2 1/2 months only to see nothing. Hopefully, in the end, there will be something said for being persistent.

TaTa For Now.

prayer request

2008-11-25T05:48:00.000-08:00

So, today at 10:00 I have a sonogram...just to make sure everything is okay in my uterin area. I so badly want to have another baby, and we've been trying for quite some time now. I've been off birth control for well over a year. I'm not too worried yet, this is just another step to make sure everything is okay seeing as how I'm not pregnant yet. So, I pray the doctor says "give it time.." or "this is what's wrong.." I just need to ease my mind.

The many faces of my kids

2008-11-22T15:32:00.001-08:00

Barbie has become an official child of mine. But my firstborn is her hairdresser!
And this is how a 4yr. old watches movies:

Me and the girls at Silver Dollar City waiting on the parade.

My husband is a natural born hillbilly who tries to be a pimp sometimes. Not really.

My beautiful girl:

Sasha and Loki...the most awesome-ist dogs in the world. I've got 'em trained to pee on command. You can just call me the "dog-whisperer."

Could sisters be any different?

Personality does not run short in our family.

I'm at a loss for words for a caption on this one. That's just pitiful.

Branson pictures and Barbies

2008-11-22T15:08:00.000-08:00

This is the daily routine. Barbies. I've come to love Barbies. I never played with them. In fact, I hated them. I couldn't understand how anyone could seriously enjoy playing with something that wasn't even real. Obviously, my daughter doesn't share the same understanding. But we're reaching a common ground.

Wow, I'm so behind on my blog. I've been so busy. But I'm not complaining. I'm busy with all of the things I love. Here's some great pictures of Branson.

River: Uh, I'm confused...what are we doing?

Kylie: We're going on a boat right in 39 degree weather...duh. Put your gloves on.

Kylie: Uh...it's kinda chilly.

River: I'm warm as long as Kylie is sittying next to me.

Jason: Hmm....can someone tell me why we are doing this again?

Because it's fun!!!! (something was obviously funny. Pam is definitely enjoying herself on her new boat. She was so excited she couldn't wait to test it out....even if it was 39 degrees.) Nice teeth Ruby! You are really having a blast!

Mike: I love my new boat...C'mon sun, Iknow you can pull through for us!

YOU CAN'T STOP A NELSON BABY!Kylie has such an influence on River. They turned the hallway of the cabin into a "spa." Riverlyn doesn't even know what a "spa" is...but shoot, if laying on a bunch of pillows with a warm washcloth over your face takes the bags under your eyes away, then...well, she's down for it! Talk about a vacation. I didn't even get a spa-treatment.

no title

2008-11-10T05:01:00.001-08:00

Forgive me for my rant. I was out of control that day. I'm done now though, I promise.

So we went to Branson to Silver Dollar City with the whole Nelson Family this past weekend. It was great. I'll have some pictures of our weekend soon. However, even though we brought our camera to the park, we were so frozen I think my brain froze and forgot to take pictures. No, really my fingers were too frozen to work the camera. Although I did get pictures of all of us on Tablerock Lake in 40 degree weather. My father-in-law got a new boat so we had to break it in...with blankets, hats, gloves and coats.

You can't stop a Nelson baby!

Why I'm scared for my country if Obama becomes our next President

2008-11-04T14:33:00.000-08:00

1. He wants to take away my right to bear arms.
2. He says he won't be sworn in on the Bible.
3. He doesn't know the pledge of allegiance while my 4 year old daughter does.
4. He refused to wear the American flag pin.
5. He says when it comes down to it, he will stand behind the terrorists, oh I mean Muslim people rather than the rest of the world. Read his own biography and see for yourself.
6. Him or his wife have never even liked the UNITED STATES OF AMERICA.
7. The first time his wife ever like the USA was when the country voted him the democratic nominee.
8. He can't keep his story straight. (First, middle class to him was $250,000 a year..oh really? I didn't realize I was living in such poverty. Then he changed his mind and said that middle class was $200,000. I guess I really am poor. But then he came back and said that middle class was $150,000. Dang, I'm like, dirt poor. Alas, he still changed his mind again and decided to declare 125,000 middle class. Oh man I'm sinking really low here. But see, he still changed his mind and said $97,000 was middle class. Well oh Good Lord save me from myself and my measly poverish income. BUT I GUESS IT'S OKAY, SINCE HE WANTS TO SPREAD THE WEALTH, THEN THOSE WHO ARE MAKING $97,000 OR MORE A YEAR CAN JUST PAY MY WAY THROUGH LIFE. I'LL TELL MY HUSBAND TO QUIT ONE OF HIS TWO JOBS AND WE CAN JUST WAIT FOR THE RICH PEOPLE DOWN THE ROAD TO GIVE US OUR HANDOUT BECAUSE THEYWORKED SO DAMN HARD TO PAY MY BILLS. so, maybe Barack Obama should be president? hmm...it might be worth it if he does get elected. Then I could spend more time with my husband since he can quit work and we'll just expect the handout from the hardworking people of the world. cool)
9. He wants to nix our health care system (the best in the world) and replace it with a health care system of third world countries. Get healthy now people, if universal healthcare is on the horizon don't expect to be seeing your doctor ever again.
10. He says "determining when a child has a right to live" is above his pay-grade but yet, he wants to make decisions as President. You're freaking kidding me right?

Reasons why this post is irrelevant:
1. I'm a Christian, he's not. You poor thing Barack Hussein Osama...i mean Obama...wait, no I don't.

So, yeah, he's probably the anti-christ.

this post has no title

2008-11-04T14:06:00.000-08:00

I know I haven't posted much in awhile, let me tell ya what I've been doing.

1. Hunting & Scouting
2. I went to Oklahoma last week, next week I'm going to Branson for our traditional Nelson Family fall trip to Silver Dollar City. I'm super pumped, it gets me in the Christmas spirit.
3. Spending time with my family ( like, playing Barbie's and dress-up, cuddling with my hubby, talking on the phone with my sister and my dad, hanging out with mom before she started her new job, playing barbies, hanging out in the garage with my husband since the weather has been nice, playing barbies, lovin' on the dogs, playing more barbies and playing barbies.)
4. Hunting
5. 4-wheeling
6. Wishing I was fishing
7. Spending alot of time with God
8. Cleaning our church once a week
9. Going to the library (Andover just opened up their new library, we are regulars!!)
10. Watching Riverlyn practice her newfound skills of cartwheeling along with her tap dancing classes. There just something about watching five little 4 yr. olds shake their booty and tap their tap shoes.
11. Hunting
12. Praying
13. Reading hunting magazines and dreaming
14. We went to the pumpkin patch; carved some pumkins, then the day before Halloween I had to clean up ROTTED, NASTY, MOLDED pumkin off the table...oh that's why I never do pumpkins..................is it "pumkin" or "pumpkin"? I don't know...I'll just say "punkin" like River does, no one seems to care.
15. We trick-or-treated this year with River's best friend Jenna. I hand sewed a dress and got together a conglomeration of things around the house for River to be a "snow-princess" because that's really what she wanted to be. Then, an hour before we went out for Halloween she changed her mind. She came out with her Easter dress on and her Easter basket and insisted on being an Easter girl. Fine...whatever....Easter girl.
16. Did I mention I've been playing alot of Barbie's and have been hunting alot lately. Yes, you could say I'm a well-rounded person :0)
17. Obviously not blogging alot.

So, there's some things I've been doing lately. I think I'm going to change my blog again too. But first, while Cinderella is entertaining my daughter I think I'll go watch some voting coverage and close my eyes.

Go McCain.
If Obama become President, he'll have to pry my dead hands off my guns to take it away from me. That's my right. Also, I will never ever refer to him as "President" or as a "Commander in Chief"...show me a veteran who will and...well, maybe I'll use "Mr." in front of his name. But all that is a whole 'nother post. Now that I got myself all fired up for something I can't control, I think I'll post about it.

New Look?

2008-11-01T14:39:00.000-07:00

Do you like? Thought I'd change it up a bit. Check my other blog for a hunting post this weekend.

I'm going out tonight even though it's 80 degrees. We'll see what happens. Later!

2008-10-20T15:52:00.000-07:00

Check out my hunting journal. I have some new pictures. Hopefully, I'll have more action to blog about in the coming weeks. My last few hunts have been very dull.

The dogs.

2008-10-14T13:33:00.000-07:00

Sasha is a girl. Loki is a boy.
Sasha is brown.
Loki is tan.
Sasha is fast.
Loki is slow.
Sasha is brave.
Loki is careful.
Sasha is athletic.
Loki is clumsy.
Sasha is smart.
Loki is dumb.
Sasha is teaching.
Loki is learning.
Sasha has graceful moves.
Loki "lobs" around.
Sasha is willing to give to Loki, and have patience while he learns.
Loki is a follower, taking to Sasha's teaching of patience.

Sasha loves.
Loki loves.
Sasha is the protective queen of the house.
Loki is the protective loyal one of the house.
Sasha loves to cuddle with Riv.
Loki loves to cuddle with Riv.
Sasha and Loki both have a special place in our home and in our hearts.

They say opposites attract. I've always believed it. Especially since Sasha and Loki work so well together.

LOKI

2008-09-28T18:26:00.000-07:00

This is Loki. Here's the story. For awhile now I've been wanting another dog. However, I had pretty specific stipulations if I was going to have another dog because having a puppy is like having an infant, and yes, I want another child very badly, but I'll wait for that stress until I have a baby. But my ideal dog would be already potty trained but not yet a year old so I could train and raise it up with our family. It would have to love children and other animals and be able to mix into our family. I can't be a bother to anyone since we already have Sasha who so loves to lick you to death and jump up to dance with you because she gets so excited to see you. I definitely don't need 2 of those. So I've looked at the humane society, Craig's List, the paper, kept my eye out and just figured after looking forever that if God wanted me to have another dog then He would bring the dog to me. Afterall, my expectations are a little unreal. Then, on Monday, Sasha had a vet appointment and since our doggy doc was so impressed with her health and personality she offered me a dog. Whoa! And this is what we got. I know it's meant to be since it was a gift from God!
This is Loki. When he was born, he and his litter were dumped. They were wild for the first 2 months of their lives. Then they were rescued. My veterinarian has fostered him until he could find a home. He's been taken to several different places before and ended up back in foster care. He's not what he looks like. He's the sweetest, most tame, calm, respective of you, absolutely cuddly adorabley perfect. HE'S ONLY 9 months old!! And, he's already potty trained. Did I mention he's got all his shots and he's neutered? He loves to play with Sasha and will allow my daughter to roll all over him. I've never heard him bark or seen him put anything in his mouth other than food.
Now if that's not an answered prayer then I don't know what is!

4 years old!!

2008-09-24T11:22:00.000-07:00

We went to Chuck E. Cheese for her 4th birthday party with her friends. She had so much fun being the birthday girl!

And I finally got her her Barbie computer!
On Saturday we had a family birthday party. It was great!

She was so excited about all her cards!! Wierd!Aunt K her some Romper Stompers.What a hard day!

The biggest thing she could imagine...

2008-09-14T18:09:00.000-07:00

R: Mommy, I wish I could marry you.
K: Really? *big smile* Is that how much you love me?
R: Yeah mommy, I love you as hot as a fire in heaven.
K: *blush*

my baby will be 4 yrs old on Wednesday! I hope she always loves me as hot as a fire in heaven.

After the flood

2008-09-14T16:02:00.001-07:00

Check this out first: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Czh-gfNkOEQ

This is what we found when we walked down to the bridge. I knew it wouldn't last too long with the river being up about 20 feet. Usually it's about 20ft. below this road on the bridge. I figured we'd come back the next day and see if it's still there.
UH!? Guess it's not there today! So....where is it? (Looks like the waters went down!) This pic and the one above are taken from the same spot.
Oh! There it is! Can you tell that's the same bridge. Talk about damage. Good bye neighbors! People 'round these parts won't be stoppin' by cuz it's convenient no more.
That looks creepy.

Date night fun

2008-09-14T15:40:00.000-07:00

Jason and I had a date night last night. Our daughter had her first real sleep over at her friend's house so we decided to go out for a good steak dinner. We chose the one and only Latham Saloon about 15 miles east of us out in the country. I would call it a one stop light town but I'm pretty sure there are no stoplights; and I can't call it a one horse town because I'm pretty sure horses and cattle are the only within miles of the town. Not one person in the place was without their buckles and boots. It was a warm friendly place and they served the best hand cut rib eye around. Places in boonies like that are very well kept secrets!

To see what Jason and I do when there's no kids around, check this out!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lAe64Kd5O7I

2008-09-07T19:04:00.000-07:00

Check out pics from our weekend of setting up for bow-hunting season. Go to my hunting journal.

Sorry folks, life goes on hold from September to January. This blog will take the back burner here and there for the important things in life.

WOOPS!

2008-09-04T08:13:00.000-07:00

I posted a blog on my hunting journal on accident instead of here, so go check it out on the HJ. the link is to the left, up top. I've got some cool pics on there but didn't feel like redoing the whole thing. yeah, i'm lazy. but go check them out!!!

Some pictures I found

2008-08-08T20:41:00.000-07:00

A discovery in Hawaii....

River and Sasha...they were so little! AWWW!

Trail camera 2006 (I think):
One of my favorite pictures.. And, wedding day:

Summer Fun

2008-08-08T20:27:00.000-07:00

The boys on a float trip. No, that's not Jason's back with the tat...Jason's the one taking this pic. This was my garden in June, it's practically empty now. I'll have more tomatoes coming though.

This is corn. Or could we call it "cornhair" ??? I love cornhair. Cornhair is b-e-a-u-t-i-f-u-l. And this is a daily harvest of greenbeans. My favorite.
This was in Branson on July 4th. Apparently, it was a long day. You must play hard in order to fall asleep in your life jacket.

More to come soon. I'll have a blast from the past later. I've been working on cleaning and rearranging folders on my desktop and found some pretty cute pictures I have to show off from previous years. I'm gonna attempt another video too. Maybe. If I can remember. :) You know me!

In 69 days....I feed my addiction.

2008-07-16T07:44:00.000-07:00

It wasn't icey cold or snowy, just a little drizzly. Seeing as how it was October it was a pretty wet "cold." My nose was red and sniffly and my hands were already stiff and I hadn't even put on my gloves yet. I had spent the last five minutes getting my pep talk...and detailed instructions on what to do if needed help or got into trouble. My heart was racing. I was darn nervous. Is this really what I wanted to do? That's when Jason started strapping and wrapping me up, in a canvas sling with hooks and belts going every which way. How would I ever do this all by myself? Most people do this with a buddy or a group of freinds and he was ....sending me ALONE? MY FIRST TIME? Are you kidding me? (At that time, I didn't know people went with other people...I'm pretty sure this was my husband's strategic plan for our future hunting years. He knew I didn't know any better). I think the sight of myself was enough to get me scared. I think I was beginning to sweat through the inside of my boots (or should I say 200 lb. socks inside my boots), and then all the way through the 2 layers of pants and 3 layers of shirts and coat. All of a sudden I felt a little claustraphobic so I ripped off my camouflage bandana and took a deep breath in. I didn't want to seem nervous in front of my husband so I pretended I had to "redo" the "do" with the camo rag. After I was "put together" and he finished going over everything once more, that's when he led me astray. He introduced me to my addiction I didn't know I had. A fever I never knew of. An addiction that had yet to be fed that would soon take over my whole thought process. He led me into the deep dark wild, the bosom of the wilderness, the cold and never-ending woods that would butt up to a corn field just coming out of season. A field providing the last bit of food for the deer to find as everything started going dormant for the winter.
And there it was, the tree stand he'd set up the year before. Now, this was not a simple ladder stand. Had I known there was such a thing as a ladder stand I would have wrung his neck for making me climb this peg-in-winded-uneven-crooked-tree stand; not to mention climbing with an extra 300 lbs of garb on your body, pet bow in hand, trying not to snag your tree strap on a random branch as you scrape belly up the tree. It's even harder when your fingers are frozen. (Once again, my husband's strategic plan to make all the hunts to come a mere breeze. What a smart man. After my first hunt, I would be able to do anything.) WHEW! I was up. Hand on seat. Steady. What a view I had! Now...I just had to figure out how to turn around and get my arse set down. That's when Jason hollered from 20 ft. below "Be sure you get yourself strapped in first! You don't want to fall out of that thing!"
Uh...how was I supposed to do that? I was holding on for dear life with one hand on the seat, and one arm hugging my body against the tree afraid to let go...that's when I just let go, jumped up, turned myself around and got myself positioned to where I thought I wanted to be. Once again, WHEW!
After some coaching from below, this whole tying myself to a tree with a canvas thing-a-ma-jigger going up my crotch, squeezing my boobs just wasn't working out. So J finally climbed up and helped me out. Thanks I said...with a big fat wet smooch that nearly got us stuck together up there because of the cold wetness. (It didn't happen though...darn it!) That's when he left me. "I'll be back in a few hours! Good Luck!"
And that's history. I sat there in that tree for about 3 hours that day. Alone. Finally coming to a level only hunter's have been to. I got it! I finally understood why anyone in their right mind would do something like this. I spent countless minutes staring, thinking, praying, worshipping, praising God, admiring, and yearning to see an animal...preferably a deer, but at this point anything would do. And then I spent the whole rest of the time, thinking "Why didn't I pee BEFORE I went hunting?" Yes! I could call myself a hunter now! I knew he was proud of me! I now knew why he needed this. At least I thought I did. Until I saw the first herd of deer come into sight across the feild about 100 yards away. And that's when it hit me. I had buck fever and have had it ever since. A feeling, an addiction, a true fever racing through my veins and I need my fix NOW! Finally I had found another place in God's green (or at this time, kinda brown) earth where I BELONGED. I don't belong too many places on this earth, but in that tree in a cold day was one place I knew the Good Lord made for me. I never did get my deer that year. J did. An eleven-point rack. It's on my wall, I helped him feild dress it and kissed it for a picture before we butchered it and ate all the meat..which isn't as good as doe meat. So this year, I'm getting my trophy buck. There's much more to this story than can ever be told. You wouldn't understand. No offense, but until you've done it, you will never know the rush of this drug called hunting. This year, I'm bagging the limit. That's my challenge.
I have 69 days until opening day. My list of "to-do's" is growing. My anticipation is eating me alive. It will be hard waiting.
This year, if I get that granddaddy buck, I'm going on a bear hunt in 2009.

2008-07-09T14:31:00.000-07:00

Here's a try at my first video post....i'm not tech savvy so finally, with the help of a good freind, I think I've figured it all out. Sasha is very opinionated and she had been voicing her feelings about going outside...it was muddy that day and she just wanted to go romp in the mud...

more pictures, in no particular order

2008-06-24T18:04:00.001-07:00

He'll do anything for his daughter and she knows it...he'll even fix her line on a Barbie pole.
The girls made home-made playdough.
Our tag-along...Jason painted it black and silver, put all terrain tires and a lift kit on the camper..now it can go anywhere. (You do have to have a coule extra step-ups just to get in it though.)
No matter how tired you are, you will persevere to finish the bacon....
...even if you fall out of your chair.

Like I said, persevere.

full time mom = full time job

2008-06-24T17:43:00.000-07:00

Geez, Jason said "I'll be cleaning my gun."
Rehearsal makes you hungry!
She was really proud to be dancing with the bigger girls.
Ornery Sasha, she loves camping.
Notice the rope tied around her waist? It was tied like a noose. In her words "I need it here in case I have to save somebody." (There was a loop tied at the very end of her rope-belt."

So I've been a stay-at-home mom now for a couple weeks, which is why I haven't been blogging. I've been reading all of yours though! This time of year we spend our weekends camping and swimming and we just went to Kansas City for the weekend for a girl's weekend...my mother, grandmother (85 yrs.), 2 cousins and their children. KC is a central meeting place for us all and we had a great time. Smart me forgot to bring my camera. Of course I would do something like that! Last week we had Vacation Bible School and the week before that was setting up and preparing at the church. We had a great time. The theme was the "County Fair." I had a little girl in my group who was so interested in Christ and becoming a Christian. Her name is Bethany. Please pray that Bethany can stay on the path she's on...I don't know what her home life is like. From what I can tell her parents work alot, they live on a farm and recently told her she would be allowed to come to church on Wednesday nights. VBS is a blessing for our rural area of kids who don't know about the Lord.

On another note, here are some pictures of our typical everyday life. They aren't too recent (as you can tell by the oh-so-attractive dates on the bottoms of the pics.) As soon as I have time I will get some pictures of my ever so time consuming garden. I have potatoes (sp?), onions, corn, carrots, beans, okra, tomatoes (sp?) and various pepper plants.

again...

2008-06-05T13:25:00.000-07:00

so, storms (mainly tornados) again. apparently they are widespread across the entire midwest and the national weather service is saying this could be one of the deadliest days. my mother in law said an insurance agent is on her worship team at church and the NWS called him at his office telling him to be prepared for one of the worst days ever. so, this is big. I've been struggling all day that for the first time i'm actually letting the weather get to me....okay, so maybe i'm a little nervous. But here's the deal...i think i'm only nervous because i've let other people make me feel that way. (and that's what makes me really mad..) I couldn't even get through Dollar General today without hearing every person in every isle talking about the weather to come. (Okay, I'll admit that I was in dollar general looking for a magazine to take to the storm shelter figuring i'd have go down in there for awhile...i walked out empty handed sick to my stomach.)
Everyone thought my daughter's should be at my in-laws for safety. I was obviously asked to come too, but i just couldn't leave my dog at the mercy of tornados...it broke my heart. Some people say i'm heartless to worry about a dog over my family (WHICH I'M NOT) but then again, wouldn't that be heartless to not worry about the dog? so, I took the girl's to my in-laws because I would feel awful if something freakish happened and I didn't take them there, PLUS they are gauranteed much more safety there anyway. they really have been freaking out the last week over all these storms we are having. It's definitely unusual. They offered to let me keep the dog in the garage but I can see it now, she'd bark all night and scratch at the door because she'd be alone, then i'd be sitting in the garage during all the storms...I don't want to imagine ME trying to break down the kennel by myself and getting in my car and taking it over there..) If that's the case, well, i might as well be sitting in my own storm shelter...a big concrete box embedded underground (no, i don't have a basement). I thought about going to my dad's, I'd have a garage spot and i could have my dog inside, but i can't get ahold of him. i thought maybe my sister would like to come ride out the tornadic weather with me in the shelter since she doesn't have one, or a basement, but i can't get ahold of her either. So, after i took the girl's over to the in-laws....i just came back. And here I am, listening to the 50 mph wind, the clouds are building, my anticipation is growing...there's a tornado right now about 50 miles away, yet i'm not even in a tornado watch. I think what makes me the maddest (is that a word? whatever...) about this whole ordeal is that I have never before felt "unsafe and insecure" in MY OWN HOME. And now I do. I've always respected the weather, God can do what He wants right? And I'm smart about it, but I suddenly feel kinda scared, kinda queasy, uneasy, and very very lonely. Jason is on duty to make matters worse. That means he'll just be out on calls in the middle of a mid-western tornadic outbreak that's already starting. Oh.....there go some shingles off of my roof! well, I guess i'll just go...do...something to keep my mind busy. Maybe I'll toss my "storm-shelter bag" I've prepared down the stairs and just wait. This sucks.

2008-05-30T13:44:00.000-07:00

So, I haven't been here in a few days. 2 weekends ago we went camping, and if i get up enough motivation then i'll post some pictures. That next week at work I spent stressing over whether or not I had clearly enough explained what would need to be done to whomever was taking over my role and tasks. (YES, I AM NOW OFFICIALLY A STAY-AT-HOME MOM). Then Memorial weekend we went on a float trip on the Elk River in Missouri. We had a great time. I spent most of Friday night watching our camp-neighbors cook, fish, and all the other things you do when you're camping as we were just setting up camp. I had been watching this little blond hair blue eyed girl fish on the river wearing her life vest. I was just thinking to myself how much she reminded me of my daughter...that's when her mom came out of thier camper hollering "River, it's time to eat now!" No way! that little girl's name was River. I went over to the mother and struck up a small conversation saying how my daughter's name was River also, yada yada yada, have a good evening, and then back to our campfire I went. The next evening, after we floated for 5 hours, I went up to the camp shower house. That lady was there with her daughter River and her neices. Then, one of the girls said "Hey Aunt Kendra, can we have some shampoo?" Now wait a minute, this was really wierd! I stood up and spun around and looked at this lady and the look on my face must have said it all. I said "your name is Kendra too?" "SHUT UP" she said. At the exact time in the exact same tone of voice we said "Are you serious?" WIERD. Now I would come back home and not one of my friends or family would believe that I had just spent the weekend camping next to a lady named Kendra with daughter named River. Like I said, WIERD.
Next, we drove home Sunday morning from Missouri and on the way home, we passed a body. Yes, that's what I said, a body. Jason called 911 and everyone in the truck was mad at him he didn't stop. Never did find out what that was all about. My curiousity is still killing me. Nothin' like a peaceful drive interrupted by a dead body on the side of the road. WIERD.
THEN...we got home, and I was getting out of the shower and getting ready to head to my dad's house to wish him a happy 50th birthday. Then Jason comes in the house and says he feels like "he got into something." "I'm itchy and hot and my heart is racing." An allergic reaction seemed probable. I looked at his back and he was covered in hives. Then he started swelling up. Called 911 and I think they made it just in time before all his air passages had finally closed up. He was going into anaphylactic shock from something. The ambulance took him to the hospital, they took care of and he healed alright. But after 50 cc's of benadryl injected into your veins, on top of whatever epinphren-type stuff they gave him, he knocked off his feet half drunk like (just the way he liked it I'm sure :) However, being completely out of it in bad weather is not a good combo. He woke up at 11pm Sunday night, just long enough for me to tell him that I couldn't get our weather radio to work right. He fixed it, sat down at the computer, pulled up the weather just in time to read aloud (to myself, Kylie and River) a tornado warning that had just been issued at our location. In his slow slurred speech and red puffy benadryl eyes his last words of the post read "GET TO YOUR SHELTERS NOW."............................................................And then we scrambled. How many times had I packed a bag ready to go to the shelter. I had played the scenario over and over again in my head. But now, I walked in circles, completely dumbfounded at where Kylie's shoes were, should I grab a blanket, how do i stop river from shaking, is Jason going to make it down the stairs? And so on.
We stayed in ourshelter for about 20 minutes, blessed to have it, and blessed to emerge to a perfect home still standing. Come to find out there never was a tornado, but we got good practice.
Then I spent this last week preparing myself mentally, spiritually, physically and emotionally to be a stay at home mom. And yesterday, which was my last day at work, (I've worked a full time job since I was 16 years old ) I missed. Riverlyn woke up puking and had a low-grade fever. And now, she is still sick tonight, a Friday night, meaning if she gets worse then we'll probably have to hit the emergency room. so, like i said, I'll post more as soon as I'm motivated to. Right now, I'm going to appreciate my family, my home, my chores, my shelter, my life and go and just be a mom.

A nice day...finally!

2008-05-02T11:50:00.000-07:00

Sisters. I love this picture.

I haven't posted in a few days. And since then, I've been camera happy. So, here's a few things we do on nice days:

Kiss daddy.

Then, beg daddy for a tree house.

Pick some leaves from the "helicopter tree" to make some soup.

Add some grass for flavor.

Then get some water

Then get daddy to help you finish your gourmet green dinner. Yum.

Then take a walk with daddy.
And watch the storm roll in.

my husbands hidden words

2008-04-16T21:13:00.000-07:00

I recently found this on our computer. It didn't go to anyone, and he never mentioned writing it. I have no idea when he wrote it, however I felt compelled to share it. I hope he doesn't get upset that I'm sharing it because as I'm writing this, he doesn't even know I found it. My gut tells me he wrote it sometime within the last year after he took it to pretty hard and almost offenseful when someone said "I know your job is stressful, but...."

Every 3rd day, this is Jason's life:

I Wish

I Wish you could comprehend a wife’s horror at 6 o’clock in the morning as I check her husband of forty years for a pulse, and find none. I start CPR anyway, hoping to bring him back, but knowing intuitively that it is too late. I do it though, wanting his wife and family to know everything possible was done to save his life.

I wish you could be in the emergency room as a doctor pronounces the death of a beautiful five-year old girl that I spent the last twenty-five minutes trying to save. The girl who will never go on her first date, or ever again tell her mommy “I Love you”.

I wish you could know my thoughts as I help extricate the lifeless body of a teen-age boy from the remains of his crumpled car. What if this was my son, my brother, or my friend? What will be his parents’ reaction when the Police Officer knocks on the door at 2 o’clock in the morning holding his hat in hand?

I wish you could understand what it feels like to have a little boy tugging at your arm and asking “Is my mommy okay?” Not being able to look him in the eye without tears flowing from your own. How DO you explain the needle hanging out of a pulse-less arm?

I wish you could have the strength to hold back the long-time friend who is fighting to get in the back of the ambulance to help his dying buddy who is being given CPR, all because he wanted to drive home with “the freedom of no seat belts.”

I wish you could feel the hurt as people verbally and sometimes physically abuse us because we are always the first ones there. I wish you could realize the physical, emotional and mental drain; the missed meals, lost sleep and forgone family and social events. I wish you could see the tragedy my eyes have seen.

I wish you could feel the frustration I feel behind the wheel of a fifty-thousand pound fire truck; honking the air horn again and again, pushing the siren tone-change again and again, as a driver fails to yield the right-of-way at an intersection, or in traffic. Yet, when we do arrive, often the first words are: “what took you so long?”

I wish you could know how it feels to come home to my family in the morning and not having the heart to tell them that I may not have come home from that last call.

I wish you could know the brotherhood and self-satisfaction of saving a life, or preserving someone’s beloved home; of being able to be there in a time of crisis, helping to create order in a time of chaos.

I wish you could know what it is like to search a burning second floor bedroom for trapped children at 3 o’clock in the morning, flames rolling above your head, your palms and knees burning as you crawl across the floor which is sagging under the weight of your search team as the kitchen below you freely burns.
I wish you knew the unique smell of burning insulation, or conduit; the taste of soot filled mucous, the feeling of being boiled like a lobster inside your turnout gear. I wish you could hear the crackling of flames as they burn the timber that supports the roof above you; the loneliness of crawling into a black-smoke so thick you can’t see the floor four inches from your face; the feelings that you know no one should ever have to feel.

I wish you could read my mind as I respond to a fire. What type of building is it? Are there any occupants? Where is the closest hydrant? What are the immediate hazards? Which way is the wind blowing? Do I need more resources? What is the weather? Is there enough fire involvement to go defensive? The list goes on…….

Unless you have been in our shoes, you will never know what it feels like to be a firefighter; to understand me, appreciate who I am or what my job means to me. But until then…………………… I wish.

After nights like these, he goes to his 2nd job as if nothing ever happened because he doesn't have a choice. Firefighters do not get paid much more than minimum wage to 12/hr. He comes home from a 24 hour shift, and then an additional 12 hour day of physical labor (with no sleep might I add) and then sometimes I have enough nerve to nag. I'm ashamed of myself!

God Bless my husband. I pray that he can find compassion in his heart for the people that oppress him and his brothers. What an impossible task. I'M SO GLAD I FOUND THIS.
I love you, Jason.

just had a minute chat here...

2008-04-12T07:10:00.000-07:00

Let me tell ya, 43 degrees with a 20 mile an hour north wind feels like 20 degrees. For mid-April, it's just been so darn cold here. We are under a freeze warning until Monday morning. Hopefully, that will be it. Then maybe we'll get a glimspe of spring. It's a good thing I haven't planted my garden yet. I've been hesitating and I'm glad I did. Patience pays off huh? Maybe this just means summer will last until October and Fall will last until December? Wishful thinking I know. But who wouldn't wish that after going on an 8th month of winter. Sheesh. I'm pretty sure I'm going to shrivel up if some kind of warmth doesn't show up sometime soon.

So, it's for sure....come June 1st, I will officially be a stay-at-home mom. I keep telling my daughter "when summer time comes and it's warm enough to swim, I won't have to go to work anymore." (It's my response to her when she asks when do I not have to work anymore.) But I think she's got it backwards. She keeps saying "mommy, if you just stop working now, then it will be summer time." Oh baby, if only it were that easy. Her little 3 year-old mind is so precious. We went to see my grandmother last weekend and came back with an entire trashbag of more (you mean, there's more?) dress-up clothes handed down from a cousin. River was in heaven. It's as almost as if her entire world depends on when she can get dressed up. But I'm talking about the whole gammot (is that how you spell it?). Everyday when we get home, in 2 minutes flat she's taken off her clothes, put on the frilliest, laciest dress, white pearls, white gloves, high-heel strap-on sandals, a purse (full of everything any typical woman would have in her purse) and for the finishing touch adds a little sparkle lip-gloss. well, maybe more than just "a little." I'll have to get a picture. She's perfected this outfit in just one week. When she walks around the house dressed like this, it reminds me of some commercial photo you've seen in an advertisement or something of a little girl playing dress-up. She's my own little walking angel! But heaven forbid the time come at night when it's time to get UNdressed. She mopes around and slowly, but with an attitude, starts taking off piece by piece and says with a slow tone and seriously sad frown "I'm not a lady anymore." If only I could stop her growth. If only I could keep her 3 forever. I told her that one time. I said "oh please don't grow up anymore! I don't want you to grow up! Can't you just stay 3 forever?" Then she said very happily "You can't stop me!" dang it! This mom thing just keeps breakin' my heart.

Jason and I had a date night last night and she spent the night with her Mimi. That's J's mom. Riverlyn called me while on our date and asked if she could spend the night. Her little voice on the other end of the phone sounds so grown-up. So everytime we get this type of opportunity we think "oh boy, we can do something! No kids!" or "Time together! Yeah!" And this is what happens: we got our appetizer, talked about what we were going to do for the night, then we got our salads, talked some more, Then we ate the rest of the loaf of bread they bring you with all the good dippin's, talked some more. Then our meals came, took 2 bites, then asked for a box because we were so full we needed dolly's just to get out of the restaurant. Then when we got to the car we figured we'd just go home since we were too miserably full to do anything else. Yup, that's how our date goes! However, it was nice to leisurely make it home, not "tend" to anything, be as loud as I want whenever I want and then this morning I got to wake up and do what I'm doing right now. I guess we did do something productive last night. We got Jason's Crosswoods business for '08 in order. After tax time is always a good time to re-vamp and re-organize. So, that's our date night. And we enjoyed every minute of it. So, I'm going to go now, and re-fill my coffee, and then I'm going to stare outside for a little bit before getting in the shower and getting River from her Mimi's house. Maybe if I catch some sunshine now it will sustain me until spring gets here. Maybe spring will show up sometime around May or something. Later ya'll.

2008-04-03T17:53:00.000-07:00

so you like it? Cammie created it, cute huh?

I know I haven't posted in a few days. I'm still alive. I've just been having a pity party lately for those of you who care. Every day, for the last "forever" I keep thinking that one day life will "get back to normal." But then I remember "oh yeah, it never was normal." So, I'll figure a way out of my funk. I need to stop worrying about everyone else's personal issues and worry about my own happiness. It's scary to think about certain situations and how exactly I am going to "get happy." So pray for me if you want to. If you don't care, I don't blame you. Have a nice frickin' day.

Ask and You Shall Receive

2008-03-19T20:21:00.001-07:00

During the last few months I've really been struggling with confrontation. I've always been the type of person who doesn't want to put anyone on the spot or make them feel uncomfortable when they're wrong. I hate confronting someone even when I'm done wrong. It's so much easier to be walked on, talked down to and just "agree" even when it isn't right. I've always been a little reserved when it comes to telling people my true feelings and I've never stood up for myself when I need to. I'd rather just look down and go with the flow. However, at 28 years old it has been wearing on my badly. Several months ago I broke down in front of my counselor about things I couldn't take anymore. I'd been raised up by my parents in a way that taught me to always be respectful of other people's feelings and always have manners (thank you God). I took it to the extreme. Being the introvert I am, I went over board for so long on never wanting to disrespect, backtalk or confront anyone. My counselor (who is a wonderful Christian woman) told me that as long as I'm truthful and polite, there are ways to not let people walk on you, whether they intended to or not. Back to the whole "you can't have grace without truth, nor truth without grace" thing. So I started praying that God would give me courage to speak up at the right times, and I prayed diligently that when the times come that I feel a certain way or someone over steps their boundaries with me that I can truthfully and biblically stand up for myself. And let me tell ya, the tests have been rolling in. In more ways than I was prepared for. In the past, I would allow someone to do something or say something and think to myself "that wasn't right" or "that's not okay" or "they really just crossed the line" and then hold all those feelings inside and harbor them to the point where it turns into anger and hostility. I asked the Lord to help me and He's provided many ways for me to practice. I was NOT that ready. However, I don't have a choice now but to stand up to the plate. When someone is rude to me I will stand up and confront them. I'm proud of myself. The funny thing about all this is most people DO NOT take into account their own actions or words towards someone else. They say what they want about anything and anyone. They act how they want in any manner in any place and never once does it cross their mind that they may be out of line. They never think twice about questioning me, calling me out, trying to prove me wrong or say whatever they need to say to me whether it comes out rudely, bluntly, disrespectfully; but they sure don't like it when I do it in return. So, I will continue to try to be as open as everyone else, even if it hurts their feelings. They never cared about mine in the first place, right?
These days the world is so full of people walking around calling themselves christians, bible thumping, quoting bible verses, attending their bible studies, and since they don't cuss, drink or smoke they see themselves as perfect. People like this actually have said to me that they are "near perfect and always right." I guess they overlooked the part in the bible about being humble, love one another, don't mock other people, don't be arrogant, don't judge. I feel so awfully sorry for them.
I have been wronged (in a major way) by several different people the last few weeks, (and I'm not asking for a pity party, no "woe is me" here, and don't give me your sympathy, I'm a big girl) and I never judged them for what they did to me either. However, with my newfound boldness, I confronted them. Being the "christians" they are I guess subconsiencely (sp?) expected an apology. Struggling with the fact that, IF they came to me and apologized, then we'd have to "confront" the issue at hand...and that made me go back to the "afraid of confrontation" feeling. So I opened my bible and found LUKE 17 where it talks about forgiving someone...it says if someone sins against you 7 times in a day and 7 times come to you and says "I repent, forgive me" then you need to forgive them. And that was my answer. No matter what they "wronged" me with and no matter how many times they did it over and over again I have to forgive them. So I said "okay, Lord, I will forgive them."
The funniest part of this (and ironically enough, what I should have totally expected): THEY NEVER WERE SORRY OR APOLOGIZED. Nice, huh? But they'll be sure to be seen at church on Sunday.
It's too bad that people like that broadcast their christianity, it makes them look awfully pitiful to wordly people who don't truly know Christ. It may hinder the ability to lead them to Christ. No one is perfect. We can't be because we are HUMAN. But that's the point I'm trying to make. JUST ACCEPT THE FACT THAT YOU ARE NOT GOD HIMSELF. HUMBLE THYSELF PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

No comments on this one please, this is my blog and this is what it's here for. If you have my e-mail, then e-mail me.

skinnin' a cat part II

2008-03-17T19:31:00.000-07:00

I finally got the picture I wanted uploaded. I wonder if this channel cat knew she'd be so famous. Again, my disclaimer: weak stomachs turn back now. Remember, I'm posting these pictures purely for shock value that even a pregnant woman knows how to take care of business.

Awww...look at that face. Almost a flathead.

WEAK STOMACH'S TURN BACK NOW!!!!!!!!

2008-03-16T18:46:00.000-07:00

DUE TO THE GRAPHIC NATURE OF THIS CONTENT, VIEWER DISCRETION ADVISED!!!!!!!

34 degrees, cold, rain the night before and two desperate mother's dying to get away makes for great fishin' trip. Janae (6 1/2 months pregnant) and I went fishin on Saturday. I was going to give all the details, however Janae already gave them in the most wonderful form so I dare not try to re-create it. It was cold, the Hickory river (1 mile from my house ) was flowing, and God's wonderful creation and beauty was all around us. As you will notice, there are no pictures of me.....because I didn't catch anything but a clutter of twigs. So, therefore I got no braggin' rights, OR picture rights! Just the rights to take the pictures! We went through a whole lot of turkey liver and the only thing caught was her channel cat. It was big enough for her to cut off a 1/4 of a fillet for me, which is enough to make a great meal for two! Thanks Janae! Here's Nae's post of her account of our weekend. My favorite part (other than Nae sporting her pregnant belly while holding her 2 ft long territorial channel cat) was her description of our drive and hike down to the river. I wouldn't have had my Saturday any other way! I'm totally bummed b/c I can't find my plug to get the pictures off of my camera to the computer, so here's the pics I got from on Janae's camera...and like it says above THOSE WITH WEAK STOMACH'S SHOULD TURN BACK NOW!!

Nae's biggest catfish caught on a pole on the Hickory River on March 15th:

Nae's post:

Sunday, March 16, 2008
skinnin a cat
Okay, Iʼm warning you!!!! It is solely at your discretion. Iʼm in no way forcing you to read this.Do Not Scroll down if you are inclined to the citified way of thinking and living. The images may be disturbing to some viewers....especially you Karen!!!! :-)Me and a friend went fishing yesterday. When I pulled up in her long drive it was noon and 37 degrees out. While we were eating our packed sandwiches the sun thankfully came out! It however, did not raise the temperature. To get to this particular fishing spot on Hickory creek itʼs a short drive across two pastures, through three gates, and through the wooded area that is alongside the creek. After scouting out the creek for about an 1/8th mile, we decided on a little rock bar that jutted out slightly into the creek. On the bankside of this rock bar a giant tree had fallen out across the bar and into the creek. With the tree to our backs we had a nice windbreak. The sun was strong enough that I am still feeling the heat all over my face. I definitely got some color and on March 15th! So this rock bar and fallen tree created a nice small oxbow of calm water. We could easily cast against the bank on our side of the creek into the oxbow or using a heavy weight we could cast on the other side of the creek below the bank. We were hoping to land our liver in front of a catfish den in the side of the bank! After about 15 minutes of our bait hitting the water both of our livers were stripped from our hooks. So we reeled in and baited up again. Plunking the liver back in the water, mine up against the bank on the north, only about 15 feet in front of me, and hers up against the far bank in another small area of backwater. Within a minute I had a tug. Then a couple more. My drag was messed up so it made it a little tricky to pull in a mad fightinʼ son of a catfish, but letting her play it out a little I pulled in to the shallowest part of the pool, grabbed my leader and hauled her onto the bank! She was a nice one for a small creek and a pole with a messed up drag! Actually, the biggest cat Iʼve caught on a pole. This is small when compared with the ones we catch on the trot and limb lines. But she works for me!Lest you think I have put on some weight....You are right! 23 lbs to be exact! Thatʼs what 6 1/2 months of pregnancy will do to ya!!And hereʼs a picture with the exact place she sealed her fate at in the background except it was a little to the left.Now, sheʼs not huge by any means but there is enough meat on her to have a good little fish fry. So, sorry for all you city slickers, animal rights activists and vegans, but you gotta eat to live! And I choose MEAT!! Thatʼs right, whether it comes from saltwater, fresh water, pature or tundra, I LOVE meat. My last and final warning is now! If you are faint at heart, canʼt stand the sight, smell, or feel of hamburger meat, or even if your dogʼs breath makes you wanna hurl you better turn back NOW!!! FAST!!!There are many many different methods of getting the meat to your freezer so those of you that know what is going on and havenʼt ran to the toilet, just keep your comments to yourself okay? Iʼm not asking for culinary advice!! Geesh! Donʼt get your panties in a bunch b/c I didnʼt use the right cut! Itʼll all turn out okay in the end!! And youʼll be callinʼ me up wantinʼ to know when you can come over for the fry! Yeah, you will, b/c I think this is the first river trip of the season.....and itʼs eatinʼ at all of us to get on the river!In order to get to the meat you have to take the skin off! A rope, filet knife and a pair of vise grips will do the trick. Oh, and clothes that you donʼt mind being splattered with blood b/c I wouldnʼt hang there without squirming if someone was skinnin me alive either!!!Then youʼve got to make your initial cut Carefully now soʼs not to empty her contents even more, you can remove the stomach and entrails. After that, I locate the back bone and start cuttin the meat off. Rinse the meat in cool clean water (or whatever you have) and fry it up or put in a freezer bag and save it for another time! Nothin you buy in the store is as good and tasty, antibiotic/growth hormone-free as this is!!!

ALL FISH, ALL BELLY!!!
Look how thick that yummy fillet is!
And the finished product. (And this doesn't show the part she gave me. When a friend gives you a 1/4 fillet off her channel cat, you know she's a true friend!)

2008-03-10T17:22:00.000-07:00

(so I took this pic in oklahoma in december, however it reflects my last 3 days....)

And i love Jesus, because he loves me.

And I love my mommy and daddy too...

i listen to Jesus when i pray...

my mommy and daddy love me a lot lot lot lot

and she's my bestest freind in all the world.

and one day we'll go up to heaven and see Him...

This is the song my daughter made up as she went along with each line as we were driving home tonight. How sweet. There's a whole lot more about Jesus being in her heart and how much she loves everybody and everybody loves her, I just can't remember because her song (all improv) went on for like 20 minutes to the same tune. When I pulled down the visor and flipped open the mirror as we drove along she caught me watching her and she said "Hey! Don't watch me!" I told her that it was the most beautiful song I'd ever heard and she responded with "well, I'm not done yet!" (with her eyebrows frowning....she doesn't like to be caught in the act.) It's times like this I look back and thank God for letting me have parents who brought me up in the Bible. It's times like this I know God hears me at night when I pray that my daughter understands God's place in her life and Jesus' place in her heart. It's times like this that makes all the stressful days x'd out of life. I know there will be more irritable moments, stressful days and days where all we do is race the clock, but these innocent words from her innocent heart make it all okay.

It's also times like this when I know that since Christ's Love is instilled in her heart she'll always make it back to Him, even when she may be led astray. I'll continue to pray her innocent heart.

On another note...Lately, the Lord has been working on me and every day I can feel it so. I feel my heart churning, I feel a peace that He's been working on giving me for quite some time now. It's a yearning I can not explain, if you've had it you know what I'm talking about, and if you haven't had it then I only hope that one day you will.

Content. Promised. Yet Poor!

Well, poor maybe by the world's ways!

Peaceful. Faithful, I Have everything I need!

(but not good enough for most people these days!

If I had a million dollars or even more,

I would still, every morning, walk out the same door,

Watching God's amazing plan unfold before my eyes,

He's watching me and what I do with His possessions, I've realized.

I watch Him provide what He wants for those who need.

I'm content and happy with what I have, because I can see what the rich don't need,

So my Heavenly Father, continue to show me the things I don't really need,

and continue to help me have the faith that you will provide those of which I do need.

I feel content, promised, peaceful, full of faith and uplifted.

If this is how it feels when you give, I'll give all I have.

If this is how it feels when you are given to, I'll keep giving all I have.

If this is how it feels when the world thinks you are poor, I'll still keep walking out the same door Just remember, those who look down on you are really the poor.

This weekend we went down the road and met some neighbors who have some land on the Hickory River. Good 'ole country family. they have 440 acres of the most beautiful land I've ever seen....Yup, here in Kansas. They took us for a walk over alot of it and down the river. We talked alot and they really are amzing people. They love their life, they love their family. Their house was a typical farmhouse, they had a couple barns, a stone wall, crop feild and some tractors. They had a couple overgrown farm-fed dogs who kept taking a dip in the pond while their grandson was casting his fishingpole. My 3 year old was dying to go fishing with him. We had my stepdaughter (8 yrs) with us and when we got to their driveway you could see their clothes hanging on the clothesline to dry out in back. She saw the clothes and said as loud as she could with a very sorrowful look (as if she felt really sorry for them) "They don't have a washer and dryer?!?" I quickly let her know that we don't broadcast that, and chances are they probably have one, they just chose to hang their clothes out to dry because it was a beautiful day. Their white house wasn't power-washed and they had mud on their vehicles. Their dogs were wet and shaggy and their porch swing creaked. They had a rock pathway to the porch that they'd probably laid themselves and they were surrounded with their son and his family that he'd adopted shortly after returning from Iraq. As we left their house that afternoon, I told them thank you for letting us walk around thier place and Mr. Winzer said "You need to thank God for today, not me." I can only pray that one day, I have their contentment and peace and thankfulness. Thank you Lord for a great weekend.

2008-03-04T17:34:00.000-08:00

Jason is going to kill me! Haha! pucker up Hannah Montana, Jason's got the best of both worlds!

2008-02-27T20:01:00.000-08:00

So, my bible study group just finished a study on a book titled " Living Each Day in the Name of Jesus. Living each day as if Christ Himself were right there with you as a human, as the being he was 2000 years ago; or, living life in HIS NAME. As each chapter touched on Grace, Giving, Gifts, Scripture, Spiritual Life, (and more), it was the last chapter that really put me in my place. The fruits of the spirit and Galations 5. I've always had the fruits that most people have trouble with and have always lacked in the fruits that most people seem to do fine with. In this last session, i sat down and really examined everything. I even (awfully) found myself automatically thinking of people in my life or people that i know who had certain fruits and lacked others. Which will bring me to my next point, i'll get to it later. Here are the fruits and my own personal definitions for each one:
LOVE: wanting, desiring all happiness and goodness for another, no matter what.
JOY: having the fruits of the spirit create joy - internal warmth / happiness
(interesting how Love and Joy are mentioned first of all of them, Love being the greatest of all, and Joy being only possible when all the fruits are present...)
PEACE: being able to trust in God without reservation and truly feeling HIM take over a situation.
PATIENCE: being able to wait even when you are in an incredibly uncomfortable situation or a selfish situation....it's a virtue, and it's not okay in God's eyes to accept yourself as impatient.
KINDNESS: doing nice things from the heart, even when it's hard or uncomfortable.
GOODNESS: always doing "the next right thing" (thanks Dad for that one!)
FAITHFULNESS: never steering away from your loyalty, even when you're blinded.
GENTLENESS: being considerate of another persons emotions or situation while dealing with them or consoling them; being able to make a person feel comfortable. Gentleness must accompany truth. People who have this fruit seem to be peace-makers (at least most of the people I know!)
SELF-CONTROL: being able to say no to the things that tempt you.
None of these can be in your heart if you don't have love! The greatest of these is love. God commands us to love. The bottom line is that, if you have a heart full of the LOVE OF GOD, then chances are you have most of the fruits. Obviously no one is perfect, and everyone has to stand back and examine their ownself and see which ones that are least evident in their life....we're human, it happens. But with God's LOVE, you CAN have all these.
I feel God working on me which is starting to create that peace within - I just keep praying for more love and more joy. The points that really made a mark on my heart from this study over the last couple months are these (my translation of what I read in the book mentioned above by Ortberg, Pederson and Poling):
~God isn't interested in a spiritual life. He's interested in your life. (my interpretation: Christians put all their eggs in the basket of "what actions am i supposed to be taking as a Christian?" instead of asking themselves "am I "doing life" in Jesus' name?" Let God have control of your life, and then you'll more than likely have a great spiritual life.
~We extend God's grace each time we behave kindly and generously to others - when we pray for them, NOTICE THEM, forgive them, serve them, include them - when we do this, we can experience an UNFORCED fruitfulness. The hard part about grace, is that sometimes we have to accept it from others! That leads to humility though.....
~Read, meditate on scripture, have solitude and prayer time and this is the painless training that will guide your spiritual life.
~Grace and Truth must both be present, one NOT without the other, to have Godly group life or community - each person must accept each individual regardless of falls and shortcomings and lovingly and truthfully guide them.
~Spiritual gifts are the absolute necessity for life and health of a church; when the church has these then it can build a community on servanthood. HUMILITY IS GOD'S MOST TREASURED VIRTUE.
~Whatever your treasure is, is where your heart will be. When you get close to a man's treasure, you've gotten as close as you can get to his soul. Treasure what God treasures, He trusts us with his resources!
And here are 2 things I've heard from 2 different ladies so I don't take the credit, however they are 2 of the most eye opening, profound, and self-examining phrases I've ever heard:
"When I look up at God, I'm not looking down on others."
and,
"If you are not building someone up, you are tearing them down."
See? Profound huh?
so, this was a great way for me to conclude my last two months. God is working on me so!
something else I found interesting, and i challenge you to do this: First read the Corinthians 13 and replace "Jesus" for "Love". nice huh?
then go through and replace "your name" for "love".....ouch, hurts a little doesn't it?
Then, go through fill in the blanks in this question, then answer all your questions.
"WHO DO I NEED MORE (fruit of the spirit here) WITH/FOR?
A lady in my bible study mentioned this excercise. What's really cool, is that she's the lady who will eventually be my daughter's principal! Praise God!

The HUNTRESS

2008-02-26T14:11:00.000-08:00

It's Feb. 26. All I can think about is hunting season. I've come to realization that I am truly, 100%, sinfully obsessed with this. All I can feel right now is the bow in my hand. I'm dying to get out there. I want to get one....a big one. I missed her last year, and never saw bucky b/c i got "caught" by a hunter who had been leasing the land i was hunting on. It wasn't my fault but a miscommunication from the land owner. Anyhow, my season was cut short with that and then a crazy move to a new house.
I've been searching the internet day and night reading up on bowfishing....Yes, bowfishing. I love to fish, and I love to bowhunt, so how cool would it be to bowfish. I'm dying to do this. I haven't talked to my husband yet but I think i'm going to ask him to go sometime soon. We'll have to get a freinds boat. To do this, you have to completely rig up your bow with a fishing line, reel, and fishing aarows. Not to mention all the hunting/fishing legalities/licsenses, depending on where you go....but we are going to Colorado in June! I know we could get some good bowfishing in there! I have a feeling not one person reading this will ever click on this http://www.womenbowhunters.us but if you do you'll laugh first...then you might find something interesting to browse around at. You guys can then see just how obsessed I am, that go to sights like that hehehehehehehe.
WHY do i love this so much? There's no other feeling like it when i hold my bow in my hand. I think it's the adrenaline rush you get when you see one under you. "One" being a deer, coyote, fish, whatever. I think my "LIFETIME GOAL" is to hunt everything huntable (well, legally that is...) Obviously i won't go picking off humans; but too bad i couldn't be a professional sniper. that's alright. The government just hasn't discovered me yet. If they had I wouldn't be writing this that's for sure. I'd be going after the latest "hit" on the top of their list.
HA HA!
Seriously, I think i'm gonna have to set up a spring Turkey hunt just to get out some frustration. I'm going mad here. I can't wait 8 months.

2008-02-13T19:41:00.000-08:00

Please Father, pick me up again
my spirits scraped
my mind bitten into

Please Father, hold me again
against Your breast
my heart pounds in fright, beating my own chest

Please Father, forgive me
i've failed you once again
Temptation repeatedly overcame my thoughts

Thank you Father, again
for cleansing my wounds,
for filling my soul,
for making me whole,
Again.

Wanted by the OCC driver - YESSSS

2008-02-06T19:02:00.000-08:00

Ha! So, if you don't know who the OCC boys are check out their website, or just watch TLC's show American Chopper. Paul Sr, Paul Jr., and the weird brother Mikey, aka "The Teutal's" (pronounced Tuttle's) build custom bikes for a living and are pretty famous for some of their work. They did an awesome bike for FDNY in memory of 9-11, they've built a bike for Jay Leno, and many many others. Check out their website: www.orangecountychoppers.com. They do some really really amazing art work. They also are big supporters of the fire department. They incorporate "elements" of whatever theme their doing on a bike. On their website, click on the link to the "on-air theme bikes" to see the fire bike...it's amazing. They even used peices of the debri from the WTC destruction on the bike.
Anyhow, they've built a bike for a company here in Wichita and presented it at the fire station and had a big hoopla event over the whole deal and that gave me an excuse to go see someone famous....HOWEVER, they didn't show up until after I had to get back to work. Bummer. BUT the guy who drives their truck around the country with all their bikes (b/c obviously he can't fly them in an airplane...) was there. And he was trying to hit on me. He was your typical New Yorker, but also your typical truck driver with a big 'ol belly hangin' down. What was funny was I was standing next to Jason and I don't think he caught on until after the fact but at least J thought it was funny. This guy (who stuck his hand out to me and introduced himself while looking me up and down) asked me about the hotels around here. Then Jason just said "oh, my wife I recently stayed at Hotel at Oldtown" (while pointing at me). Then Mr. OCC truckdriver man realized that he was talking to a married woman and quietly but swiftly made his way to another conversation with someone else...I found this as my "5 minutes of fame" although, there was no fame, and it might not be very funny, but it was to me! Anyhow, check out the website to appreciate some really intense artwork, they hand craft every curve, every cutout of every inch of every bike. And then there's the guy who air brushes it who doesn't get near enough recognition. Pretty neat.

I LIFT MY HANDS IN PRAISE TO THE LORD

2008-02-01T10:08:00.000-08:00

This morning I got up, went to the kitchen in the dark, and started to get the coffee pot ready for my morning cup o' joe. I turned on the faucet and...nothing. I turned it off again, thinking I must be dreaming. I turned the faucet back on again. Nothing. I ran to the bathroom and turned on the faucet there. Nothing. I ran through the house to the other bathroom and tried that one. Nothing.
Instantly my mind went racing. It had been 3 degrees overnight. A pipe had probably froze and busted. I thought "We've been in our for one month now and already we've pulled up sub-flooring, rebuilt the sub-floors, replaced the floors, replaced, taped and mudded and sanded sheetrock under every window and repainted every wall in the house. (Not to mention completely knocked down and rebuilt a wall separating the laundy room from the living room.) The hot water heater went out and had to be replaced. Jason's truck had been in the shop twice already. Now this?!?!"
All this in the middle of winter, and if you are around Kansas you know how our winter has been, cold, wet frozen solid and wind chills that bite your bones. I just could not handle this right now.
At this point I told my daughter that I needed her to go do something fun in her bedroom or just be quiet for awhile because I needed to pray for awhile. I needed to get on my knees and get with God. She said "please can we play mommy?" It broke my heart but I told her "mommy needs to talk to God for awhile honey. You can come with me and pray with me if you'd like, but I have to do this now."
So she sat on the floor and I began to pray. And pray, and pray and pray. I thanked God for things I DID have. I thanked him for things we take for granted. I thanked him for a roof over my head and food in the kitchen. I thanked him that my husband was on his way home from the firestation alive. I thanked him that my daughter, or anyone else in our family didn't have a terminal illness. I thanked him for my vehicle in the garage. AND I thanked him for the fact that my only problem was a busted water pipe. It could be alot worse. A family in our area has 4 children and the mother is 9 months pregnant and their house burned to the ground last week. I thanked God I had a home, and that I had clothes to put on. I thank him for the job I would be going to on Monday. We are not worthy of any of these things. God's grace allows us to have these things. We live detestful lives and he still provides these things for us. He still grants us His Mercy! To God be the Glory! Praise Him for what He HAS done for you!
Who are we to think we deserve a home, a car, health, freinds, and all the other necessities in life we should be refering to as BLESSINGS?

In the midst of my prayer I began to weep. The tears started welling up. My lip started quivering and that's when I told God that there was no financial way we could repair this. I told God that I trusted Him that He would provide for us...however, I know what's in the bank right now. I know that we've exhausted our resources in the other emergencies. Winter time is hard for us because Jason's fire dept. pay is nothing. (Firefighters get paid approximately a little over minimum wage to put their lives on the line, run into burning buildings, extricate mutilated bodies out of smashed vehicles, etc. That's why they do it... for the love of what they do.) Jason's 2nd job is lawn and landscaping which brings in the bread and butter. And obviously he's not mowing in 2 feet snow right now. things are tight to say the least. So as my prayers continued and my sobbing became obvious to my daughter, she came over to me and put her hand on my shoulder and squeezed me and said "mommy, can you hear God now?"

God spoke to my heart and I had a peace. What was I alone going to do about broken pipes other than deal with it? thankfully I have family around for showering right? Anyhow, Jason got home this morning with a kerosene heater and started heating up underneath the house to "unfreeze" anything frozen so we could start in on whatever it was going to take to get this figured out. After about an hour all of a sudden, the water just started running out of the faucet! After all the phone calls to plumbers, the water company, the turning off and on of the water to the house, the water flat out just "came back on."

God heard me this morning. Why he answered my prayers I don't know, I don't deserve it. BUT HOW THANKFUL I AM!! It's a complete miracle! Things don't just happen like that unless it's a GOD thing.
thank you Lord.

2008-01-31T11:01:00.000-08:00

"I tell you what, Cowboy....."

Riverlyn utilizing her newfound slang my father taught her is pretty darn funny. That's my girl!

And here's my other girl, Sasha:

She's got ears that can people snoring in Japan. She really is a good watch dog out here. Not only are we working on getting Riverlyn to stop sleeping in the bed with us but Sasha as well. As soon as we get them both in their own beds all night maybe we can have another baby someday!

Today is snowed. And snowed and snowed. I actually got up at 5:30 for my quiet time before getting ready for work and then realized there was no way I was going to get out of my driveway. We have about 6 inches on our deck right now so that means the snow drifts out here about 500 gazillion feet deep. Really. I got stuck in one before. Anyway, when I got up this morning (at 5:30) only to realize I wasn't going to work, then my daughter gets up. So much for quiet time. So as soon as the sun came up I went outside and got this shot:

It's a plow from way back when horses had to pull them across the crop field, it "decorates" our fence line for now. Seeing as how the weather has been wet, freezing cold, blizzardy, or just plain frozen, we haven't really had much time to some things cleaned up since moving out here. Although, I'm not sure I'm going to move this because it looks neat....and it's about 500 gazillion pounds...Really. Past the plow, isn't the view the best? I wouldn't trade it for the world.

2008-01-21T08:26:00.001-08:00

Those of you with children can enjoy this, and those of you who don't have kids are crazy if you can't enjoy this:
Yesterday, on the way to church, we were driving our typical "through the countryside" drive and Riverlyn saw a house with storm shelter. We recently moved into the countryside and have a storm shelter since the new house doesn't have a basement. I had no idea she even knew what a storm shelter / cellar was, apparently she must have overheard us talking about them. From the back seat she piped up "Hey Daddy! We have one of those at our new house so we can go in it if the potatoes come in the storm!" We laughed all the way to church, it was so cute we didn't have the heart to correct her. I mean, she's 3 and has the vocabulary and pronouncing skills of a 6 year old. She's smart enough to let her call them potatoes until she figures it out on her own.

2008-01-17T10:26:00.000-08:00

okay, i know this blog is boring but soon i'll figure out how to get more pictures and links on here...I have so much i'd like to share. Soon...I promise.

God's reasoning...not for us to know

2008-01-14T19:16:00.000-08:00

My friend's mother is going through a tough trial right now, this is for her.

For Julie:
An angel face with a dripping heart
Drenched with humility
Wrapped up in humbleness
All the while fighting hostility

This angel face can’t see it now, to her it’s just Satan abusing
She’s really just a precious piece of whom the Lord is using
Confusion ripping her mind apart
Trying to find her way,
Depending on faith that’s always been there
Guiding her day by day

Prayer after prayer
she holds on,
Knowing deep down that she’s God’s.

He sees her feeling her way through the dark
A tunnel so cold, she's so alone,
Her hands slowly feel along the rough and rocky wall
Drenched with sweat of persevering hope
That all will end up well.

Rejoice! She’s the Lord’s own.
In His Time he will have shown.
He sees her feeling her way through the dark
Her heart won’t drip with sorrow and humility
Because in the end she stands with the Lord

-kendra-

Why does the Lord put us through the trials we face? And why does He put His children of utmost humbleness through the toughest trials of all? We will never know, but if we stay focused on Him and continue to trust in Him through them all then we can ask Him when we get to Heaven.

in my darker days....

2008-01-14T09:16:00.000-08:00

http://poetry.com/Publications/display.asp?ID=P4947110&BN=999&PN=1

I actually got this published. I brought it out again the other day and read it, it had been awhile. It's amazing how the emotion of the words flood back into your heart. I read it now and all the emotion and hurt I had inside of me is overwhelming. Praise God for His Grace and Redemption. I'm sure you all will see many more poems I have from my darker days. It's more of a "shedding" thing for me to be able to get it out there. Maybe then I can just let it all go instead of harboring them.